


Lost in Cascade

by Patt (PattRose)



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: AU, Angst, Humor, M/M, Romance, Sappy, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-29
Updated: 2012-09-29
Packaged: 2017-11-15 06:23:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 38,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/524099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PattRose/pseuds/Patt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim is having anger issues. Simon takes him off duty until he can get it under control. Jim will have to take classes at the college and see a shrink. Oh boy, just what Jim wanted. Guess who's the teacher? Now Blair must teach Jim all he knows about finding himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost in Cascade

Lost In Cascade  
Patt

Captain Simon Banks left a message for Detective Jim Ellison to see him in his office. He knew this wasn't going to be a good meeting. Simon was going to have to do some heavy talking and Jim would not appreciate it one bit. As Simon awaited Ellison's knock, he looked out the window in his office. It looks like such a nice day, Simon thought. Not at all like what's really happening. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and everyone seems to be happy. Except for one hard-boiled detective. No, Simon wasn't looking forward to this at all. 

Jim Ellison had been having problems with his senses, but he'd been to many doctors and they all said the same thing. Nothing was wrong with him. He was in perfect health. Then why was Detective Ellison having troubles with his five senses and why couldn't he seem to handle things on his own? All good question's thought Simon. Now if he only had some answers. Jim wasn't going to be happy with this decision at all but it was in Jim's best interest. 

When the knock sounded about ten minutes later, Simon sighed. "Come in," Simon said, "Jim sit down, I need to talk to you about a few things."

"Sir?" Jim asked, "is something wrong?"

"Yes," Simon said, "I have had numerous complaints about you in the last month. Not just from suspects, but also from co-workers. In fact, I've had more complaints from just plain witnesses in the last month than I've ever had since starting in major crimes."

"Sir," Jim started to say, "I don't think that this is anyone's business."

"Oh Detective," Simon said, "how wrong you are. This is all of our business. You've become so wrapped up in your job that nothing or no one gets in your way. Well, Ellison, we can't have things going on like this. So I have a few options for you."

"You want my shield, Simon?" Jim said, with bitterness in his voice. 

"You know I don't, Jim." Simon stated clearly, "what I want is your attention for a few moments. I need to talk to you about some things. First of all, I'm putting you on medical leave. Don't panic Jim. You do have to see a shrink, but that's all and you will be paid while off, so it'll work out. 

Second thing, I want you to check in with me for the next four weeks, every week. You'll fill me in on how you're doing, how you're feeling and just keep me up to date on everything. And last but not least, I registered you for a course at Rainier starting this week."

Jim just stood there staring at Captain Banks. "What the hell is going on," Jim bellowed, "You can't put me on medical leave without a doctor's say so. You can't make me check in with you. You can't make me take a class at Rainier. Fuck you, Simon."

"Jim," Simon said patiently, "I knew you would fight me on this. I have a signed statement from Dr. Sawyer saying that you need therapy until further notice. Remember when you had to see him last week? He decided you were a risk to the department. Now I don't happen to feel the same way, so your appointments are with Dr. Rose Saccony. She's brand new to Major Crimes and seems excellent. You'll see her three times a week for the next four weeks. If you don't go, you will lose your badge. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. As for the college class, I thought it would be a good idea for you to get out and maybe get that brain working on something other than Major Crimes for a change. As a plus, you're going to study what makes people tick in Anthropology." 

"Simon," Jim said quietly, "please don't make me do all this. You know that I don't do therapy well. I really hate shrinks. I really don't want to take any more classes at the university. I feel like once you've been there, what more do you need."

"Jim," Simon said, "that's why this is going to be good for you. You can never learn too much. You can never have too many years in school. This'll be one way to show the shrink that you're trying. The class is in Anthropology."

"Jesus, Simon," Jim said, "why didn't you just sign me up for a fucking cooking class while you were at it?" 

"Hey Ellison," Simon said, "its not too late to sign you up for that now. I might put you in two classes. So either shut up or you'll be taking two classes."

"I'm fucked, either way," Jim said, pessimistically. "Could this day get any worse?"

"Jim," Simon replied, "things won't be near as bad as you think. Now go and get the appointments set up with Dr. Saccony and then clear your calendar. Today's your last day for the next month. Oh, and your first class starts tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m."

"Is that all?" Jim asked. 

"For now," Simon said, "now go and get those things taken care of and hopefully things will work out in the next month. I'd hate to lose one of my best detectives."

Jim walked out of Simon's office and felt everyone's eyes on him. He cleaned off his desk, made sure there was nothing on his calendar that he couldn't miss and then packed his things up and started for the elevator. 

Joel caught up with him and said, "Jim, what the hell's going on? You get suspended or something?"

"No, Joel," Jim said, "I have to take some time off and see if I can't get the anger problems under control."

"Good," Joel said, "glad to hear you aren't leaving. I like having you here. You know my number if you need to talk, all right?"

"Thanks Joel," Jim said as he got into the elevator. 

_Well_ , thought Jim, _at least he had one real friend. Oh hell, he knew that Simon was his friend too, he just didn't like what Simon was doing. And what was up with sending him to Anthropology classes? Shit, shit, shit._

>>

Jim went home to an empty apartment, ate alone and watched television until he fell asleep on the sofa. When he woke the following morning it was already 7:00 a.m. He had a short time before it would be time to go to the university. What a pain in the ass, Jim thought as he got into the shower.  
While driving to the University, he wondered why he had to do this. Actually, he didn't think that Simon could make him do it. Oh hell, he might as well try at least one class. Maybe it'll be interesting. Jim started laughing and wondered when had been the last time he laughed? 

Once at Rainier, he went to the office and checked in, got all of his paperwork and was told where to go for his books and where the class was being held. He went to the room to buy the books he would need and then he'd be off to the classroom. 

Once he got his books, he started walking through the halls looking for the room. He bumped into a long curly haired person. "Excuse me," Jim said, "I wasn't watching where I was going." 

The person, a man, said, "No problem, man, where are you heading?"

"Sociocultural and Biocultural Anthropology." Jim answered, "Room 227, with a Professor Sandburg."

"Hey," the man said, "I just happen to be going there, so follow me."

Jim and this seemingly nice man walked in silence but a lot of the kids in the halls were talking to the man as if they knew him. Jim got the feeling that he might be a teacher, or a TA. Jim did find out one thing, he had a very odd name. Blair. Jim had never heard of Blair for a male. Actually, he'd never heard of it for a woman either. The name seemed to suit the young man. 

Once they got to the room, Jim said, "Thank you for showing me where it was." 

"No problem, man." The young man said, "Enjoy."

Jim walked into the huge room and found a seat not too close to the front. He didn't want to be where everyone would notice the old guy in the class. He sat down and started reading the book that was on top. He was so into it that he didn't even notice when the room started filling up and the teacher walked in. 

Jim looked up and Blair was standing in the front of the class. He was telling everyone to quiet down and take his or her seat. Suddenly it was quiet and Blair gave his usual intro.

"Hi, my name is Professor Blair Sandburg. And yes, I'm young, but I am a Professor. I'm going to be sharing knowledge and having discussions about Sociocultural Anthropology. The second part of the class will be the study of Biocultural Anthropology."

Sandburg stopped a moment walked over to his desk, took a drink and went on with his speech:  
"Biocultural Anthropology focuses on understanding human variation through the study of the ecological, demographic, genetic, developmental and epidemiological dimensions of modern human adaptation and its evolutionary basis."

There were a lot of people taking notes at this time and Blair said, "Don't worry about taking notes right now. Today we're just going to discuss what this class will do for all of you. I'll give you a copy of my little speech. If I feel the need for you to take notes, I'll tell you to."

The entire class started laughing and seemed to relax. Well, except for the one man in the back of the room who had caught Blair's eye walking in the hall. He seemed so alone, so sad and so unhappy about being in his class. Blair truly hoped to change his mind about that aspect. First thing, he would have to try and draw this man out of his shell. 

Back to teaching, Blair said to himself as he went and took another drink. "All right, here we go again, back to the speech. I'll make it as quick as possible. Biocultural Anthropology provides a basis for continued study of a wide array of subjects in diverse fields in the life and social sciences, such as anthropology, medicine, human ecology, nutrition, paleoecology, paleo-anthropology, public health, demography, populations biology and in professional school, while heightening awareness and broadening understanding of issues that are faced by members of society."

"Excuse me," a voice said; interrupting Professor Sandburg, "I think I'm in the wrong class. I was supposed to be in one that was interesting." The people around him started laughing. Jim was near them and he glared at them and growled. Yes, Blair heard a growl come out of the man in the back of the room. Jim didn't know why, but for some reason it pissed him off that these people were making fun of a teacher that was trying to make things interesting for them. 

Sandburg walked to the back of the room and said, "Okay, man, I'll take it from here." Blair was talking to Jim who was still glaring at those punks. Blair continued, "Could you grab your books and I'll show you the way to the hallway so you can get your asses out of here so those of us that actually want to learn, can?"

Now Jim Ellison was smiling. This teacher was all right. No matter what, Blair Sandburg could probably take care of himself just fine. 

Blair escorted them to the hall and then shut the door in their faces. Everyone inside started laughing but Blair. He walked back up front and said, "Okay, now let's see if I can get back to the discussion at hand. What we will be learning in this class is a look at the holistic approach to the study of human biology as it takes the entire range of human biobehavioral diversity as its field of study. We'll be focusing on ecological, physiological and demographic studies of human populations within the frameworks of human adaptability and evolution. Our research highlights factors that shape human diversity across the entire range of global and historical variation."

He stopped for a moment and studied the faces in front of him. "We'll get back to that in awhile. I want to know if anyone understood anything that I just said?"

The laughs broke out again and hands went up all over the place. Blair noticed that Jim's hand didn't move an inch. He was going to be a tough one, Blair could tell. 

"What do you say, we stop for a few moments? That way I can meet each of you, find out your names and what you are expecting to get from this class. Let's start up in front, at this end. Stand up and tell us who you are and why you are here. I'll do roll call and find out a little about each of you, at the same time."

Blair looked back and saw the older man frowning. Somehow, this didn't surprise him one bit. He seemed the type to be closed off from everything and everyone. Blair wondered why. Hopefully, one day he'd find out. 

The first person got up, stated her name and started telling everyone why she was taking this class and what she expected from it. In turn, each student did the same until they got to the back of the class and it was Jim's turn. Jim finally stood up and said, "I'm Jim Ellison, I'm hoping to find out how to deal with people in a more structured way or I won't have a job any longer." Then Jim sat down. Everyone just stared at him. Blair knew right then that something was going on with him. He just didn't know what. 

"Everyone get his or her notebook out and take notes on this." Blair said, "Human variation has long been a central concern of biological anthropology, but the field has experienced a transformation from descriptive to a theoretical and analytical approach. Consequently, our program embraces recent advances in statistical methods and laboratory analysis, allowing us to develop and test etiologic models of biobehavioral systems using actual field-based observations."

Taking a big breath after this part, the group smiled and Blair walked up to the front of the room again. He had another drink. _Man,_ thought Blair, _this job makes a person super thirsty._ Smiling to himself, he turned around and started speaking again. 

"Central to our research is an understanding that humans have evolved not only in response to environmental factors, but also continue to shape and modify their environments through perceptions, cultural constructs, behavior, and technology. Meaning that we can all learn in this class: how to deal with others and how to teach them to deal with us. It's all a matter of learning about each other. Let's say I'm a policeman, well my way of looking at a problem is going to be a lot different than a teacher's way of looking at it. But ultimately, we should come to the same conclusion if we work it out right. So Mr. Ellison, this is actually a very good class for you. You might not agree right now, but you'll find out why people behave the way they do, why we behave the way we do and what should we do to help each other cope with each others actions."

Everyone turned and looked at Jim when Blair brought him into the spotlight. Jim's face turned beet red. Jim was hoping to make this course simple, easy and get by without saying anything at all. Looked like Jim was wrong. This teacher was going to make it difficult. _Shit, shit, shit._

Blair noticed that his statement embarrassed Mr. Ellison. Blair had never meant to do that to him. Blair vowed to make it up to him under his breath. Little did Blair know that Jim could hear him from the back of the room. What Jim heard was a whispered, "I swear by all the gods, I won't ever embarrass him again and I'll make it up to him somehow." This made Jim smile when he realized that the teacher was as upset as he was. _That's a first,_ Jim thought. 

"Getting back to our class, the program is unified by a central focus on neo-Darwinian theory as it illuminates the nexus of biology and culture. Our approach draws on multiple levels of explanation, from the ultimate (in evolutionary, comparative terms) to the proximate (in molecular and behavioral terms). Our holistic approach serves to minimize scholarly and academic divisions by emphasizing the integration of multidisciplinary approaches to the study of human biobehavioral diversity."

Blair realized that he needed to bring this to an end so they could finish their notes and get ready for their next class. "If anyone needs any help," Blair stated, "feel free to come up after class and I'll give you notes, give you book titles to read to help and anything else that would help. For tomorrow, Wednesday, I would like you to read the first chapter in your blue book. Write a summary of what you think it was about. I'll read through them and we'll see how far off we all are from how the other's are thinking."

Everyone started filing out of the classroom but Jim stayed behind. He didn't know why, he just felt like maybe he should tell Professor Sandburg that things were all right with him. He didn't want him to worry about it. _Shit Ellison, why are you worried about some damn teacher all of a sudden? And how do you bring it up that you heard him? Not exactly what you would want him to know about. Having a teacher know that one of his students is insane probably wasn't a good move._  
He got up from his desk and decided he would just leave and not say anything because Jim couldn't even think as of this moment. Blair called to him, "Mr. Ellison, could I talk to you for a moment?"

Jim walked down to the front of the room and tried not to be so nervous. "Can I help you?" Jim asked. "Is there something wrong?"

"Well, Mr. Ellison," Blair said, "I wanted to apologize for being so insensitive. I don't know what came over me to use you as an example in front of everyone. I just wanted you to know that I won't do it again. I'm truly sorry."

"Call me Jim," Ellison said smiling, "and it's okay. I was a little taken aback at first, but I'm fine now."

"Jim," Blair said, "I hope that you'll enjoy the class. It's a very interesting subject. First days are sometimes hard but I hope that if you have any questions, you'll ask me."

"Professor Sandburg," Jim said, "I like the subject matter. I'm finding it all very interesting."

"Please call me Blair," Sandburg said, "most of my students call me Blair. I hope that you'll be comfortable enough with me to call me that."

Funny, Jim thought, I feel like I've known this man all my life. _What is going on, Ellison?_

"Thank you," Jim said, "Blair, I'll see you on Wednesday. I hope I can write a good paper for you."

Jim's face turned beet read as he said the last part. _What are you doing, Ellison? Why do you care?_

"I'm sure you'll do just fine, Jim," Blair said, "I look forward to seeing you on Wednesday. Have a good day." Having said this, he turned and walked back up to his desk and put his papers in his backpack and turned around to an empty room. Funny, Blair thought, I was hoping to talk to him further. He seems like a really nice guy. 

Jim was walking out to his truck, when he spotted some young people playing Frisbee and he stopped to watch them. Jim was not watching where he was, and the next thing he knew, he was laying underneath Professor Sandburg, under a garbage truck. Sandburg jumped up once the truck was gone and said, "Shit, man are you all right? What the fuck were you doing?" Brushing himself off he glared at Jim and realized that Jim was still a little bit shaken. 

"Sorry, man," Blair said, "I didn't mean to yell at you. You just scared me. I mean you were just standing there, even when he honked, you didn't move. Do you have problems like this often?"

"Sometimes." Jim said sadly. Jim knew that he would be labeled now as the student that was strange just like he'd been most of his life.

"Would you like to explain sometime?" Blair said, "because I have to say, this is something that I've never seen before. You didn't have a seizure. I could tell that. It had to be something else. What were you doing when this happened?"

Shaking his head, Jim tried to just walk away from Blair, but Blair wouldn't give in. He pulled Jim around and said, "Man, this is no joke."  
"You think I don't know this." Jim stated, "I have to deal with this shit every day and I don't have a clue as what to do about it. In answer to your question, I was watching the Frisbee and that's the last thing I remember." Jim, shoulders drooping, started walking away again. 

But Blair was fast. He caught up and said, "Can you come to my office, I might be able to help you with something. We can talk about it and see what happens." 

Jim stared at him closely for a while and said, "There's nothing you can do for me. I'll see you on Wednesday. Thanks for saving my life." Jim turned and walked away as fast as he could. Blair finally let him go. Blair decided that he had some thinking to do anyway. This way, he had two days to try and figure some things out for Jim. 

>>

That evening, Jim couldn't seem to get his mind off of the good Professor. Jim was thinking of calling Simon and asking him if he could get out of this whole thing when the phone rang. 

"Ellison," Jim answered.

The voice on the phone was barely there. Jim wasn't certain at first who it was but he could hear Blair's voice suddenly. "I need to talk to you in the morning. It's important. Can you come in at 9:00 a.m.?" All of this was said so low that Jim could barely make it out. 

"Is something wrong?" Jim asked, "Why are you talking so low, Professor Sandburg? Are you in some kind of trouble?"

Blair smiled when he realized that there was no way anyone would've been able to hear what he had just said, let alone figure out who it was. Yes, Blair thought. I might have myself a winner. 

"Jim," Blair said, "Nothing is wrong, I have to talk to you tomorrow. Can you come in?"

"I have a doctor's appointment at 9:00 tomorrow morning. Can I come in later?" Jim asked. 

"How's 11:00?" Blair asked, "I have classes until then. If that's okay with you, I'll see you at 11:00. Thanks, Jim."

"See you tomorrow, Professor," Jim said, "11:00 sharp."

Both men were smiling when they hung up their telephones. 

Blair could hardly sleep that night. He didn't even bother going to his apartment; he just decided to sleep in his office. He might have found a man with heightened senses. There might be more than one. It could be at least two. Sight and hearing, he would guess. Now if he could just get Jim to answer questions and talk to him, he'd have it made. Blair pulled out Jim's file that his secretary, Barb, had dug up for him so he could see what kind of work Jim did. This might make a big difference. He started reading and found out that Jim was a police officer. Blair found that very interesting. A person with heightened senses would be more aware in that line of work. Blair found himself looking forward to his meeting with Jim. 

>>

The following morning when the alarm went off for Jim, he didn't even mind getting up. Jim knew he had to go and see Dr. Saccony this morning, but he didn't care. Jim grabbed his clothes and went into the bathroom for a shower. He came out of the bathroom fully dressed and ready to go. Jim decided to just pick some coffee up at the convenience store at the corner. They served pretty good coffee. Jim had found many places where he couldn't drink the coffee. He resorted to bottled water wherever he went so that he didn't have any reactions. 

Leaving the loft and heading out to his truck, the wind was blowing cold damp air around his ears, but Jim didn't seem to mind it for a change. Jim stopped, looking up at the sky and wondered if the sun would be coming out today. He felt like it would. This might not be a bad day after all, Jim said to himself. Smiling as he got into the truck, he started it and made his way to the store for his coffee, so he could better handle his appointment. Nice strong coffee might be just the thing Jim needed. 

>>

Across town, Blair woke up and took his bag down to the locker room in the basement. Blair had to get showered, shaved, and dressed before his first class. Not to mention the fact that he would kill for his first cup of coffee that day. God, how long until Barb got there? Maybe Blair would have to make the coffee for a change. What a concept, he thought to himself smiling. As Blair went back up to his office, he stopped by Barb's little cubby and made the coffee. 

>>

Jim pulled up outside the doctor's office. This doctor wasn't at the precinct. Dr. Saccony didn't believe in having the policemen coming to see her where everyone could see them. She liked more privacy. Jim liked that about her. He got out of the truck, locked up and went up the stairs. He was starting to get nervous. Jim had known it was coming but had hoped that maybe he'd be able to do this without being such a weakling. God, he hated that about himself. As he walked into the waiting room, he found a very nice woman waiting for him. She said, "Detective Ellison?" 

"That's me." Jim answered.

"Follow me," she said. Closing the door, she put her hand out and said, "My name is Doctor Rose Saccony, and I'm very glad to meet you, Detective Ellison." Jim took her hand in his and shook it. Dr. Saccony had a very firm handshake. Jim liked that. No weakling, she.

"Sit down, Detective," Dr. Saccony said, "Can I call you Jim?"

As Jim sat down, he said, "Sure, Jim is fine."

"First of all, we're going to be going over some of the things that Doctor Sawyer thinks about why you act the way you do. Then we'll see if I agree with him or not. How does that sound? We're just going to talk today, nothing too strenuous. Just getting to know each other. I hope that each week, you'll get a little more comfortable with me."

"That sounds just fine." Jim said smiling, "Can I call you doc?"

Laughing, Dr. Saccony said. "It’s a damn sight better than some of the things I get called." 

So Doctor Saccony and Jim Ellison spent the next hour discussing his feelings about his anger, his job and himself. Dr. Saccony felt like she might be able to work with this man. She also wondered where the man was of which the files spoke. This certainly wasn't a man out of control. In fact, Dr. Saccony thought he was pretty much in control of himself for the entire hour. But then again, today was their first day. 

As Jim was leaving, he smiled at her and said, "Would it be all right to make my appointments for 11:00 every Monday, Wednesday and Friday? I have classes at 9:00 on those days, and that would work out the best. I like to get things done in the same day." Then Jim took a breath and looked at her for the answer. 

Smiling, Dr. Saccony said, "That will be just fine, Jim. I'll set you up for those days and times each week for the next month. We'll see you tomorrow then. Since today is Tuesday, we'll just count this one as your Monday interview."

"Thanks, doc." Jim said as he was walking out the door. He started whistling as he walked down the stairs. Jim smiled when he got outside and the sun was shining. The cool breeze was gone; in its place was moist warmth. Jim liked the way this day was turning out. Now, if only his luck held out for talking to Professor Sandburg. 

>>

Jim fiddled with the radio knobs trying to find a good station to listen to. For some reason he felt fantastic. Why, he wondered? Dr. Saccony seemed really pleasant and seemed like she wanted to help him. That would be nice for a variation in his normal life.

Jim finally found a good station to listen to. Jim started singing along with the songs and questioned what was happening to him. Jim knew that it wasn't just Dr. Saccony; it was also Professor Blair Sandburg. For some reason, Blair made Jim feel relaxed. Not many were able to do that in Jim's life. Jim loved listening to Blair's voice last night when he had called. Professor Sandburg exerted some kind of calming effect on him. _Jesus, Ellison, get a hold of yourself. The next thing you know, you'll think you have a thing for guys. Not guys, just that guy,_ Jim found himself thinking. _Shit, shit, shit._ He was in unfathomable danger. Jim might need to cut his losses and run. 

When Jim got to the University, he parked, and walked around in the sunshine, waiting for his time to meet with Professor Sandburg. Finally, seeing that it was almost 11:00, he made his way to Blair's office. 

When Jim got to Professor Sandburg's door, he knocked and Jim heard a quiet, "Come in, Jim." Jim walked in and said, "Good morning Professor Sandburg. I hope I'm not too early."

"Not at all," Blair said very quietly, "How are you today?"

"I'm fine." Jim said, "What did you need to see me about?"

"Hear me out please, do you hear things more than anyone else?" Blair asked, "Do you see any better than anyone else can? How about your sense of taste and smell? Have they changed at all? Have you been having problems with touch? Like extra touchy feely?" Blair realized he wasn't giving Jim any time to begin to answer even one of the questions.

Jim just stared at him and said, "How do you know this? Have you ever heard of it?"

"I need you to answer me first." Blair said. "How about one at a time. Have you noticed a change in your sense of sight?"

"Yes," Jim answered. "I don't need the binoculars anymore while on stakeout. I can see for at least a mile. Maybe more."

Smiling, Blair asked, "How about your sense of smell?"

"I can tell you what you showered in," Jim said, "And what kind of food you've eaten since your coffee this morning. And it was black, two sugars."

"Very cool, man," Blair said, "Next, how about your sense of hearing?"

"Well," Jim said, "You know that I can hear pretty well. I can hear a conversation from across the room or across the street. I can hear through the glass in the interrogation room."

Sandburg was beginning to get very excited now. He knew he was on to something. Two more senses to go, and Blair would have his Sentinel. 

"Jim," Blair asked, "do you have an elevated sense of taste?"

"Yes," Jim answered, "I have to be really careful or I'll choke from very mild seasonings It might seem really hot and spicy to me."

Blair asked the last and most important question, "How about your sense of touch? Like are you extra touchy feely? Anything hurt you that shouldn't? That type of thing."

"I don't know how to explain it." Jim said, "I experience everything in the extreme. Some days it hurts to have my clothing on. Other days, it's fine. I never know how I'm going to feel. Sometimes, a touch on my shoulder feels like I've been shot instead of touched. Here again, this isn't all the time, I don't know why."

"I have something to tell you but I need you to listen. Please let me finish before you think me insane." Blair said nervously. "Have you ever heard of the writings of a 19th century explorer named Richard Burton? Not the actor, the Explorer. The theory is that every tribal village had what Burton called a "Sentinel", a tribal watchman selected by virtue of a genetic advantage - dramatically heightened sensory awareness. This awareness was honed by long periods in isolation. I have hundreds of cases documenting one or two heightened senses but have never found a subject with all five - you could be "the real thing". Have you had any recent exposure to isolation?"

Jim went on to tell Blair all about his stint in Peru and how he was left there for 18 months. How he had been home for five years without any problems but he'd been on a stakeout in the woods for the last week. He was completely alone and wondered if that was enough isolation. 

"First of all, Jim," Blair said, "I can help you learn to get through these zones. They're when you concentrate too hard on one sense. We'll learn together how to handle and control them. You'll also be able to use this in your police work. This is a perfect job for being a Sentinel."

"What do you get out of this?" Jim asked. 

"I can help you understand and work to control your senses in return for a subject for my thesis." Blair said, "I've been studying Sentinels since I was 12 years old, so I know quite a bit about them. All I ask is that you let me test you and cooperate with me so I can write my paper and get my doctorate."

"So, I would be your guinea pig?" Jim asked. 

"No, not at all." Blair said quickly, "I believe in this like you can't imagine and I'll help you all I can but you can't do it alone and I can't either. You have to have a guide. You need someone that watches your back. I'd like to be that person."

"Can I tell you something?" Jim inquired, "I've got to see a shrink three times a week for these zones because everyone thinks I'm nuts. Are you saying, that this might be controlled and I might be able to go back to work?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Blair stated. Both men smiled at each other as they thought about this for a while.

"Can I tell my shrink this?" Jim asked.

"Jim," Blair said, "I don't know if that's such a good idea. Unless, of course, you know this doctor and can trust him or her. Do you know this person, well?"

"No." Jim said sadly. "She's really a nice person and I'd like her to know why this is happening, but not if you don't think this is a good idea."

"Why don't you think on it for a day or two." Blair said, "When the time comes, I can go to an appointment with you and we'll talk to her together. How about your boss? Do you trust him enough to tell him? Someone at the police department has to know what's going on."

"Simon's not just my boss," Jim said, "He's a good friend. I could tell him this. He might not believe it, but he would try."

Blair looked down at his watch and saw that it was almost 3:00 p.m. "Jim," Blair said, "I have a class in ten minutes. I'll talk to you some more tonight, or if you prefer, tomorrow after class."

"I have my meetings with the doctor after class." Jim said. "So, I guess I could have you over for dinner tonight if you want. But I have to warn you now; I might need some help with the first assignment. I've got so much going through my brain right now that I'm almost dizzy. Would you like to come for dinner at 7:00?"

"Yeah, man," Blair said, "that'd be so cool. I'll be there at 7:00. Oh, where do you live?"

As Jim told him, he bent over his desk and wrote down the address and slipped it into his backpack. 

"See you tonight," Blair said as he walked out the door. 

Jim left and decided that he really needed to work on some of that homework. He figured they could have pizza and beer when Blair got to the loft later on. Right now, when Jim got home, he would try and concentrate on doing his class paper. Jim didn't want Blair to think he couldn't keep up. Just because he was older, didn't mean he wasn't as smart. 

Three hours later, Jim looked at the clock and was shocked. Only an hour left before Blair would be there. _Shit,_ Jim thought, _I'm not finished with this paper. I need some help on this._  
Jim sat down at the computer and typed in all his work thus far and printed it out so he could ask Blair if he was on the right track. He leaned back against the back of the sofa and fell asleep. He hadn't realized how tired he was.

At ten minutes after seven, Blair walked up to Jim's door and knocked. Opening the door, Jim rubbed his face and said, "Sorry, I was napping. Come in, please."

Blair walked into the room and was shocked at the openness of it. Cold and emptiness filled Blair's mind and body looking around. There was nothing on the walls, nothing to say this was Jim's home. Blair was filled with sadness. Who was Jim Ellison? Where did he belong?

"This is a great place," Blair said, "lots of room, that's for sure."

"Yeah," Jim replied, "I like things to be open and roomy. I guess I could put some things up on the walls. My ex-wife took everything with her. I just never tried to change anything after that."

Blair said, "Well, it's a great place, Jim. I'm glad you invited me over."

"Do you want me to order pizza?" Jim asked, "Or would you prefer Chinese? We could order anything you want. I have beer, soda and water. If you have enough time, could you look at the paper I've written up for class tomorrow? I'm not sure what I was supposed to do. It's been awhile since I was in school."

"Pizza would be just fine and I'll have a beer." Blair said, relaxing at once. Blair had been so nervous up until right this moment. He realized how nervous Jim was. _Keep in mind Sandburg, that this is your student and your thesis study. So keep your mind on your work._ Smiling Blair said, "So Jim where is your paper? I can look it over and see what you wrote and we can work on it if you want."

"Blair," Jim said quietly, "I was kidding, really. I know you have Sentinel things to go over with me. Shoot."

"No really, man," Blair answered back, "This'll be fine. I'd like to see what you got out of the first chapter and see how you're going to do in the class. We have all night long to talk about the Sentinel stuff. There's no rush. It'll be there in an hour." 

Smiling, Jim got up and went to the computer. He was gathering up the papers when he remembered that he hadn't gotten Blair a beer yet. _Geez, what a great host you are,_ Jim thought. He grabbed the papers and walked to the fridge to get Blair's beer. He took them and the beer into the living room and handed them both to Blair.

Blair sat back on the sofa and said, "I'll just start reading and don't mind me if I mumble or something, I do that while I read."

"No problem," Jim said, "take you time. Pizza should be here in about 35 minutes. Relax and tell me if you need anything." Jim got up from the sofa and walked over to the balcony doors and looked out over the city. The city was so beautiful at night. Jim loved that part of being a Sentinel more than anything. Being able to see across the city had its benefits. Opening up the door to the balcony, Jim walked out and sat down to look up at the sky.

Blair appeared in the doorway and said, "Jim, what if we wait till the pizza comes and discuss it over dinner? Would that be alright with you?"

"Sure," Jim said, "come on out here, it's a beautiful night. We'll be able to see the pizza delivery as soon as it comes into the parking lot."

"Do I look that hungry?" Blair asked.

"I can hear your stomach growling over here," Jim answered.

Both men laughed as they settled into just star watching. Neither man saying anything, just relaxing and enjoying each other's company. 

Jim got up and said, "Pizza's here." 

Blair thought that it must be so cool. Smiling, he followed Jim into the loft. Jim handed him another beer and told him to sit down at the kitchen table. Jim let the pizza delivery guy in the door and paid for the pizza. Blair noticed that Jim gave him a generous tip. Shutting the door, he took the pizza to the table and went to get the napkins and plates. 

Blair slid the paper over to where he was sitting and started reading. He smiled as he read. Jim asked, "What?"

"Darwin said that the eye is one of the organs of extreme perfection and complication," said Blair, leaning over the kitchen table in the shadowy light. He shook his head. "I love that," he said fervently.

"And even some of the lowest organisms are capable of perceiving light," Jim said, taking a swallow of his beer. The remains of the pizza crust lay on the round plate between them.

"Yeah, and he explains the continuity of vision evolving," Blair continued, his expressive hands weaving circles over the plate. "He established a certain progression, a line of continuity between eyeless creatures, swimming dimly in the dark, and humans who see."

Jim leaned back and revelled in the glory of the intellect in front of him.

Blair leaned back and realized at that very same moment that Detective Ellison was no fool. He was a very intelligent man. Blair went on to finish the paper discussing, from time to time, with Jim about something that he found utterly fascinating. Jim enjoyed this discussion to no end. When finished, Blair looked up and said, "This is a great paper Jim. Don't change a thing. It's perfect. You're going to do just fine in the class."

With relieved look on his face, Jim smiled and said, "Thank you so much."

"You are very welcome," Blair replied, "If all your papers are as good as this one, you'll be teacher's pet in no time."

At the stunned look on Jim's face, Blair started laughing and said, "Jim, I was joking. Relax man. I mean, you'll do just fine, but I don't have pets."

"Sorry," Jim said, "I do need to relax a little, I guess." Laughing, they finished their dinner and discussed the paper in great detail enjoying each other's company. The evening was flying by.

When they went into the living room, Blair started asking questions about Jim's senses. Taking notes was a bit of a pain but it was something that needed to be done. Documentation was one of the main keys in Anthropology. 

"Okay Jim," Blair started, "We'll start with your hearing. Can you tune anything out and listen for just one thing? If you can't, I think I can help you control it so that you can learn to do it."

"I can try," Jim said as he tried doing what Blair had talked about. Nothing happened. In fact, Jim's hearing was up higher than he expected and he zoned. 

"Jim, come back to me." Blair said while touching Jim's shoulder and arm.

Jim looked at Blair with eyes that were filled with confusion. Jim knew that he had to get this under control. This had to get better. Jim was so tired of feeling this way. The look of sadness on his face said it all to Blair. 

"Jim," Blair said, "let's focus on something down the hallway. Can you hear anything going on out there? Anything special that you can focus on?"

"There is a couple out there and they are having an argument," Jim said, "They are not saying anything loud, but they are very angry with each other."

"All right," Blair said, "first lesson, don't listen in on personal conversations. Would you want someone listening to us?"

"No," Jim answered, "sorry, won't happen again."

"Jim," Blair said, "it's going to happen more than once, believe me. It's going to take awhile to get these senses under control and until you do, you'll be hearing all sorts of things you won't want to hear. I mean, at work, you must hear everything that's said. See, you have to give them privacy. What if they talked about you? That wouldn't be a good thing."

As the night went on, they discussed more about the senses and how to focus on things. He also talked Jim out of zones and things were going along smoothly. When they both looked at their watches, it was 1:00 a.m. 

"Shit," Blair said, jumping up from the sofa, "we have classes tomorrow. Better get to sleep."

"If you want to sleep over," Jim said, "I have that little room off the kitchen. It's not much but you wouldn't have to drive home after all the beer you've had. There's an alarm in there and I'll show you where everything is."

"Man, that would be great." Blair said. He smiled as he followed Jim into the spare room and Jim handed him a robe, towels and everything else he would need to sleep for the night.

"Goodnight," Jim said, "I'll see you in the morning."

When Jim got done in the bathroom, he went upstairs, laid on his bed and closed his eyes. He tried to concentrate on Blair's heartbeat. He wanted to see if he could do it. He did and he found himself falling asleep to it; loving the sound. He'd worry about that later, he thought as he fell asleep.  
Blair got ready for bed. He put on the robe, walked into the room that Jim was letting him sleep in and fell onto the bed. He was exhausted but he knew he had to set the alarm or the class would have to teach themselves. He reached over, set the alarm and then climbed under the covers. Before he knew what happened, he was sound asleep.

>>

Jim woke up four times during the night hearing someone in the apartment, but quickly went right back to sleep when he'd realize the soothing beat was Blair. When Jim's alarm went off in the morning, he was well rested. Something he hadn't been in ages. Another thing though, where was the headache he'd been plagued with this whole time? He usually woke to one every single morning. The headaches were like clockwork making the alarm almost obsolete. Why not today, Jim wondered? The only thing different in his life was Blair and Dr. Saccony. His money was on Blair being the healing aid. Jim also wondered if he should mention this to Blair or was this something he wanted anyone to know?

Getting into the shower, Jim tried to be as quiet as he could so that Blair could sleep for a while longer. But while he was washing his hair, he heard Blair up and making coffee. Smiling, Jim got out of the shower, dried off and went over to the sink to shave. For some reason, he seemed to like having Blair around. Must be the Sentinel thing, Jim thought. 

As Jim came out of the bathroom, Blair smiled at him and said, "Sleep well?" Before Jim could think, he said, "Better than I have in months."

As Jim seemed to be embarrassed by this confession, Blair said, "that's probably because you got a few of your senses under more control last night and that helps you, I'm sure. Well, coffee is ready, why don't you have some?"

Blair wandered into the bathroom and hollered, "Jim, could I borrow a t-shirt until I go by my apartment?" 

"Sure," Jim said as he went upstairs, "any color preference?"

Laughing Blair said, "Nah, anything will do. Thanks."

Jim brought down a t-shirt and handed it to Blair as he walked by. Blair went in and shut the door. Jim had this strange feeling about Blair leaving. He didn't want him to. He'd been alone most of his life, what was happening to him? Jim sat down and drank some coffee until Blair came out of the bathroom. 

"Well, I gotta go," Blair said, "I'll see you in class. Talk to you later, man. Thanks for the place to crash."

"You're welcome," Jim answered, "See you in a couple of hours."

As Blair walked out, Jim had an odd feeling. He wished he could go grab Blair and ask him why he was feeling this way. But he couldn't do that. He didn't know Blair that well. Jesus, thank god he was seeing a shrink because he sure as hell needed one. 

When Blair drove over to his apartment, he felt good, better than he had in ages. Probably because he hadn't been alone, he thought. _You can only take so much of that empty apartment before you go nuts,_ Blair told himself. As Blair drove up, he saw what used to be his apartment, in rubble. There were police and firemen all over the place. He got out of his car and went to ask what had happened. 

The policeman asked, "What are you doing here, sir?"

Blair answered, "I lived here. That was my apartment up there. What happened and when did it happen?"

The cop walked over and said, "Where were you last night and was there anyone else there with you?"

"Yeah," Blair said, "I was with a friend and I had a few drinks so he asked me to sleep in the spare room so I didn't have to drive." Blair wondered why the fuck he was giving the cop this information. 

Another cop came over and said, "Mr. Sandburg, we need to take you downtown and question you. Your neighbors said you knew about what was going on this whole time. We may want to bring charges. For right now, we just have questions and you can call a lawyer if you want."

"I don't fucking believe this," Blair said. Pulling out his cell phone, Blair dialed Jim's number, told him what happened and he asked to speak to the cop at the scene. Blair put the cop on the phone. 

"Yeah," the cop said, "Hey Ellison, what are you doing calling here? Yeah, he was at your house? What the hell was this hippie looking dude doing at your house, Ellison? Yeah, yeah, okay, I'll let him go but make sure he comes in later today." Handing the phone back to Blair, he said, "Thanks, Jim."

"Don't say anything," Jim said, "I'll talk to you after class and later on this afternoon I'll go with you to the precinct. Don't worry."

As Blair got into his car, he drove off thinking, well, that's easy for you to say Jim. You still have a home. God, could things get any worse, Blair thought?

When Blair walked into the classroom, everyone looked at him oddly. He had on a too large tee shirt and blue jeans, not his normal attire for teaching class. Even Jim was surprised to see him looking like this. 

"Okay, first of all," Blair said, "you're all wondering why I'm dressed like this. Well, my apartment burned down during the night. I don't have any other clothes. I have what's in my backpack and that's it." As Blair turned to the board to write down a few things he had tears in his eyes. 

As he wrote things on the board, he was whispering to himself, "What the fuck are you going to do now, Sandburg? You haven't got any money. You don't have friends close enough to call for a place to stay." Blair didn't even remember that Jim could hear what he was saying. That was the farthest thing from his mind.

The class went pretty well considering. Everyone turned their papers in and Blair said he would post their grades as soon as possible. Everyone left the room except for Jim but Blair didn't know Jim was still there. He laid his head down on the desk. 

Jim walked up, softly, trying not to scare Blair. He said, "Blair."

But that was all he got out. Blair jumped up so fast he almost fell. "What the fuck are you doing? I thought you left. In fact, I know you left. I just want to be alone, okay?"

"Sorry, Blair," Jim said, "I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to ask you something. I was thinking that while we work on this Sentinel stuff, you could stay at my loft. At least until I get a few things under control?"

Blair said, "Man, you don't have to do that. I know you're just trying to be nice. It's a nice offer but I'll just stay in my office."

"You are stubborn," Jim said, "are you saying you'd rather stay in your office than in a nice soft bed at my loft?"

"Fine." Blair said, "I'll take you up on it for a few weeks and then I'll be able to get my own place again, all right?"

"Okay, here's the key," Jim said, "I've got to go to Dr. Saccony's office or I'm going to be in trouble. What time do you get off?"

"About 3:00," Blair answered, "so I'll meet you at the precinct if you don't mind. I have to go there this afternoon."

"See you about 3:30 then," Jim said as he walked out the door. Jim smiled as he walked to his truck. 

>>

When Jim arrived at Dr. Saccony's office, he signed in, sat down and waited for his name to be called. 

She came out of her office and said, "Jim, why don't you come on in?"

"Hi, Dr. Saccony," Jim said, "How are you today?"

Dr. Saccony smiled at Jim and thought, what's wrong with this picture? This isn't the man that I saw a day ago. She walked over to him and said, "Okay, where's the pod?"

Jim started laughing and said, "I had couple of good days, Doc, that's all."

"Well," Dr. Saccony said, "I would guess so. I'm thinking that I might be helping but I've only seen you once. So tell me, whom is this change coming from? It's a person, right?"

"Not really," Jim said smiling, "I have a teacher that understands, not to mention an excellent teacher, but I think it might be a combination of you and he both."

"Detective Ellison," Dr. Saccony said, "did someone teach you that or is your first time using suck up skills?"

They both laughed again and then Dr. Saccony got serious. She and Jim went over many things that were bothering him at work and at home. When the session was done, she said, "Jim, I feel like we are really getting somewhere here. How about you? But I still feel like you are holding something back"

"Yeah," Jim said, "I feel like I'm a different person already. And that's not suck up; it's the truth. Could I bring my teacher with me on Friday? We have something to tell you and it's important. We'll talk about some of the things I might be holding back."

"Certainly," she said, "I'd like to meet this special person in your life."

"He's just my teacher," Jim replied, "nothing else."

"Jim," Dr. Saccony said, "I didn't mean anything by that. I meant, I'd like to meet someone that's had such a good influence in your life, no matter who it is."

Standing up, Jim was about take his leave when he said, "See you in two days, doc. Take care."

"Bye Jim," Dr. Saccony said, "Stay well."

As he left the building, he was smiling a lot knowing that he would ask Blair to go on Friday with him to tell this doctor all about his abilities. It was time. Jim trusted her. He had only seen her twice. She was not only nice but Jim felt relaxed with her. So, Jim felt that this was a good thing.

He had some running to do before he met Blair at the precinct. He decided to stop at the store and get Blair some clothing. He could guess about his size for a few things until they could go shopping together. Jim knew that Blair wouldn't have insurance; he just didn't seem the type. He was going to pick all this up, take it to the house and get the things he needed to make the spare room more comfortable. He wanted Blair to feel at home there. He stayed busy all day long and the afternoon flew by. 

>>

Jim used the spare key outside the doorframe to get into the loft. He forgot he gave his key to Blair. He took everything inside, put it where it belonged and washed all the new bedding. Then he got the spare room ready to sleep in. When he was done, it looked very nice. He also bought all the groceries. He planned on making a really nice dinner tonight. Jim wasn't a bad cook; he just hadn't done it in a long time. Jim planned to make Blair forget his problems for right now.

When Jim looked at his watch it was 3:00 and he said, "Shit, I'm going to be late, damn." 

Rushing out the front door, he locked the door and ran down the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator. Jumping into his truck, he took off for the precinct. Thank God traffic wasn't too bad so when he pulled up at about 3:45, he didn't feel like it would be the end of the world. 

When he walked in, he tried to zero in on Blair's heartbeat just to see if he could do that. He heard it. He blocked all other sounds out and heard Blair alone but it wasn't a good sound. Something was wrong. Blair's heart rate was way too fast. Jim started to go up the stairs and as he got nearer, he listened to see if he could hear what was going on. 

"So this is the little fag that has turned our Detective Ellison's head?" asked one of the officers.

"Man," Blair said, "I didn't turn anyone's head. I'm working on some of Detective Ellison's work from his class with him. Nothing else. You guys need to get a life."

The cop shoved Blair up against the wall, smacking it hard and said, "Listen you little fag, we don't like your kind around here. So if you know what's good for you, you'll be out of his life soon. Get my drift?"

"Fuck you," Blair said angrily, "you can't tell me what to do or who to do it with, asshole." Jim then heard another smacking of someone's head against the wall. 

Jim came through the door at that exact moment and the two cops both let go of Blair as Blair slid down the wall. 

Jim grabbed the closest one and shaking him said, "You have no idea who you fucked with this time. You asshole, he's my teacher." Then he yelled, "Simon, we need to bring charges against these two officers."

Simon came over with Joel and Brown and said, "What's going on Jim?"

"Mr. Sandburg here is going to press charges against these two men." Jim said flatly. 

As quickly as he said that, Blair fell over and passed out. "Blair," Jim said, "Come on buddy, wake up. Don't go to sleep. You might have a concussion."

"Who is this guy?" Simon asked Jim, "I don't believe I've ever seen him before."

"He's my teacher," Jim said quietly, "the one that you wanted me to hang with to get the hang of class and this is what happened to him." 

When the paramedics got to Major Crimes, they checked Blair out as he started waking up. Blair said, "I don't want to go to the hospital. I don't have insurance. Please, just let me go home. After having said that, he got tears in his eyes when he realized that he had no home any more. Jim could see the pain and the hurt in his eyes and said, "Hey, don't forget that you're going to my place, right?" 

Blair smiled at him and said, "Okay."

The paramedics' let Blair get up. They observed him, decided that his vitals were doing fine and he could indeed go home. After he signed the paper releasing them from all medical problems that could arise, he got ready to go and be questioned by Detectives Brown and Rafe. 

The two detectives went into the interrogation room and asked a lot of questions, which Blair answered truthfully and quickly. Both men had no reason to believe that this man had anything to do with the fire at his apartment. Then Detective Rafe asked, "Where were you last night between 10:00 p.m. and 6:00 a.m. Blair hesitated for the first time. He said, "I was helping a student with a paper for class. We were drinking beer and I had too many. He offered to let me sleep in his spare room."

Rafe said, "We'll need his name, address and phone number so we can contact him to verify that you were there all night long."

"Detective Jim Ellison," Blair said, "And he has no idea if I was there all night long because I stayed in the spare room."

Jim was listening to the interrogation about the fire and looked out the window at the same time so he wouldn't have to concentrate too hard on how Blair sounded right then. He sounded so lost. So Jim preferred to look out the window and wonder if the wind he could see blowing was getting colder. It looked like it might rain today. Jim hoped it would, it might clean the city from his nose. Right now, the whole place stank to Jim. Blair didn't do anything but he was being treated like a criminal. 

"Jim," Simon asked, "could I talk to you for a moment? Why did your teacher stay at your house last night? This isn't going to look good. Those fucking jerks are already telling their boss that the reason we're making a big deal out of it is because we are trying to hide our own little problem and that problem doesn't sound good. Do you want to explain to me what's going on?"

"Simon," Jim said, "I need to tell you some things but I need you to keep an open mind. Then we need to find some type of job for Blair to help me in dealing with my problems while at work."

"Okay, I'll bite," Simon said, "you've got my attention. What's he doing for you that you have to have done at work too?"

Glaring, Jim said, "Why are all of you being so fucking mean to him. He's a really nice guy who's done nothing but help me since he came in contact with me. This is bullshit, Simon."

"You're right, Jim," he said, "I'm sorry, so tell me why I need to stop making jokes about this."

Jim went on to tell Simon all about his abilities, what Blair had taught him so far and how badly he needed him to help him in everyday life. He asked if he could get him ride along status. They discussed this for a while and finally were told that the officers were done with Sandburg.

On the way out, Simon said, "Jim, I'll run the ride along idea past the commissioner. Hopefully this will work out. Then talk to the shrink so we can get you reinstated."

Jim, Simon and Joel walked up to the interrogation room. Brown and Rafe were hovering outside the room. 

"He's a wreck, Jim," Brown said, "he's on the verge of losing it. I would suggest you get him out of here soon. He's lost everything, all his studies, his furniture, everything. You can't help but feel bad for the guy, you know?"

"Yeah," Jim said, "I do know. He's going to be staying at my place for awhile, so just put that in his statement. You'll know where to reach him if need be."

Brown said, "Jim, we're all done. We're closing the case and glad to get rid of it." 

"He seems really nice," Rafe said, "I hope his luck looks up from now on."

"Thanks," Jim said, "I'll tell him you said so. He'll appreciate it."

When Jim walked into the room to tell Blair that they could go, he saw the younger man's lip trembling and opened his arms to Blair. He knew that look and knew the feeling behind it well. Blair needed someone to hold him to make things better, for a short time, if nothing else. Blair went right into his arms and let Jim hold him tight. Jim could feel him shaking and could sense the crying but didn't really hear it. Jim just held him until Blair felt better and moved away. 

"Sorry man." Blair said, "It suddenly hit me that I don't have a home or anything else."

"Blair," Jim said, "Let's go home, okay? I'm going to make you a great meal. You can just relax tonight and grade papers. How does that sound?"

Smiling Blair said, "Sounds perfect to me. Thanks, Jim."

Blair rode home with Jim because Jim was afraid that he would have trouble with dizziness. The ride home was quiet. Neither man spoke about the incident, although, Jim wanted to many times. He waited for Blair to speak about it first. 

When they walked into the loft, Blair said, "This is really nice of you, Jim, thanks."

"I picked you up some clothes today," Jim said, "and also some things for your room. I didn't mind so don't make a big deal out of it. You're helping me out a great deal."

As Blair walked into the spare room to put his things in there, he saw the new clothes, the new bedspread, sheets, lamp and even a desk. All the comforts of home, Blair thought. It brought a smile to Blair's face. He lay on the bed and just closed his eyes for a few moments and fell asleep. 

While Blair was resting, Jim decided to get dinner made and the table set. He made a really hearty stew. He browned the beef until it was tender, added the broth, thickened it up and added the potatoes and carrots. He put in a couple of onions, just for seasoning. He never could use too many because of his senses. Tonight he was living on the edge. While the stew was simmering; he made homemade biscuits and put them in the oven. When dinner was almost done, he went in and woke Blair up. 

Blair was in heaven when he came out of the bedroom. The smells that filled the loft were divine. His mouth watered just smelling dinner. "What did you make, man?" he asked. 

"Beef stew," Jim answered, "hope you don't mind. I also made homemade biscuits. For dessert, I made a fruit salad. I didn't know what kinds of things you like but if you tell me, we can pick those things up. In the mean time, you're stuck eating what I eat."

"Jim," Blair said softly, "thank you so much for taking me in and making me feel so at home. The food will be just fine. In fact, I'll go after classes tomorrow and pick up some more groceries and I'll do half of the cooking. Sound fair?"

"Sounds good," Jim answered, "I don't like cooking all the time so that would be nice."

They sat down and ate a wonderful dinner; talking about classes that Blair had the next day and the work he had to do tonight. When they were done, they cleaned up together like they'd been doing it for years, and put everything away. 

Jim went into the living room, sat on the sofa and turned the television on. He started watching the news. Blair brought out his laptop and the stack of papers and sat next to Jim on the sofa. He said, "Do you mind if I sit here and do these papers or will that bother you?"

"No, go ahead," Jim said, "to tell you the truth, it's nice to have someone around. Besides when you're done, I'd like to ask you a few things."

Blair put his work up and turned to Jim and said, "We can talk first. What's up, Jim?"

Smiling, Jim cuffed him on the head and said, "Get your work done first and then we'll talk. Nothing to worry about."

"Okay," Blair said, "but don't say I didn't offer." Blair started grading papers and on some of them, he would read aloud to Jim and say, "Do you believe this?" They discussed more about what everyone should be getting out of the class and then before he knew it, Blair was done grading the papers. He turned towards Jim and said, "I'm all yours."

Jim almost swallowed his tongue. As he coughed, Blair patted his back and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Jim said glaring, "I'll be fine. I need to ask you about what happened today. Those policemen had no right to treat you the way they did but you seemed to act like it was no big deal. Has this ever happened before?"

"Yes, it has." Blair said sadly, "they take one look at the hair and the earring and that's all she wrote. It isn't right but its how it's been for me for years."

"I think they need the class." Jim said, shaking his head. Jim walked over to the balcony door and looked out. Then he said, "Blair, I'm really sorry about what happened today. I just wanted you to know that. I feel like it never would've happened if I'd been on time. I'm really sorry."

"Not your fault, man." Blair said understanding Jim's need to take it on his shoulders. "You can't take everything on, Jim. Not everything is your fault. Some things are other people's fault and can't be changed."

"What's your schedule for Friday, Blair?" Jim asked, "I talked to my doctor today and she'd see us both on Friday if you have the time. I feel like I could talk to her. I really like and trust her but if you're busy, we can schedule another day and time."

"Friday, I only have the one class that you're in." Blair said. "Friday will be fine with me. You really trust this woman?"

"Yeah," Jim answered, "I really do. Today, I talked to my boss, Captain Simon Banks about us and asked if you could ride along from time to time. Just until you help me get this all under control."

"What did he say?" Blair asked nervously. "Most people would think you were nuts."

"He's going to run it by the commissioner tonight and let us know tomorrow." Jim said. "Do you need any help with anything tomorrow? I have the whole day off. The only plans I have is reading my chapter and doing my paper for your class. I'd love to help you in any way I could. Do you need anything, clothing wise, that I could pick up for you?"

"Jim," Blair said, "you've done more than enough already. Don't worry about it. Okay? I really appreciate the help. So tomorrow just take it easy and get your reading and homework done early. We'll go over it tomorrow night, if you'd like."

"That'd be great," Jim said, "I need all the help I can get."

Yawning, Blair stood up and said, "I hate to be a party pooper but I need some sleep. Thanks again for everything."

"Goodnight Blair," Jim said, "I'll see you tomorrow. In fact, I'll drive you to the station in the morning so you can pick your car up before classes. Sleep well."

"Thanks and goodnight." Blair said smiling. 

Jim watched television some more on low and finally got up, went into the bathroom and got ready for bed himself. It felt so odd to have another heartbeat in the same space as his while he was in his own home. 

Walking up the stairs, he could hear Blair tossing and turning in his room. Jim walked back down and knocked on the door of his room. Blair said, "Come on in, Jim."

"Everything okay?" Jim asked with concern in his voice, "I could hear your heartbeat going a little too fast and wondered if you were all right." Jim realized why his heartbeat was up; he could smell Blair's arousal in the air. Now Jim just wanted to die. 

"Jim, I'm fine." Blair said calmly. 

Jim answered, "Sorry, I'll try not to listen for things from now on. Have a good night's sleep." He left Blair's room as quickly as he had entered. Jim was certain that no one ever died of embarrassment, at least for the most part. 

He quickly walked up the stairs. Blair stood at the bottom of the stairs and said, "Jim, we're both guys, we do guy things. Okay? Don't let it bother you. I'm all right with this. If you're not, I can find somewhere else to go."

"No," Jim said quickly, "I'm fine. I was taken off guard but I'll be fine. Sleep well, Blair."

"Goodnight, Jim." Blair said walking back to his room. As soon as Blair got back into his bed, he continued doing what he'd been doing before. Jim wasn't listening but he could smell him. Jim glanced down and found his cock as hard as a rock. God, Jim, you're worse than a voyeur. Jim had no control over some things and one of them was when Blair came. Jim had to start stroking himself and came as fast as he could. Jim told himself that it was just a bodily function; he didn't even want to get into that he was thinking of Blair when he came. Damn, what the fuck was happening here? 

>>

The next morning, Jim got up and Blair had made breakfast already. "Good morning," Blair said, "did you sleep well?"

"Like a rock," Jim said on his way to the shower. "Smells good, I'll be out in a few."

Frowning, Blair wondered if Jim had any dreams like he was having. Well, he sure as hell wasn't going to ask him, that's for sure. He'd watch and see how Jim acted as time went on. 

Jim came out of the bathroom and sat down for breakfast. He didn't think he was hungry but Blair was an excellent cook. After they ate, they did the dishes together and cleaned up the entire kitchen. Jim loved that this man kept his loft as clean as he did. Jim had noticed when he walked by Blair's room that the bed was made and all his clothing was hanging in the closet.  
Jim looked over at Blair. He realized that he was wearing the new clothing and said, "Blair you look great in the new clothes."

"Thanks," Blair said, "how did you know what size to buy and all of that? I love this color of shirt. It's one of my favorites."

"I just guessed," Jim answered. "I figured if they didn't fit, we could exchange them. Same with the wrong colors."

"Well, we better get on over to pick your car up." Jim said, "You don't want to be late for your classes."

The drive to the station was quiet. Jim was wondering if something was wrong but he looked over and saw Blair smile at him from time to time. Things were probably just quiet for a change. When he drove up in front of the building, Blair turned to Jim and said, "Thanks, man. I'll see you tonight." 

As Blair was getting out, Jim touched Blair's hand and Blair stopped where he was and said, "Jim?"

"I just wanted to thank you for breakfast. Have a good day at class." Jim said as Blair got out of the truck. 

Once Jim was driving off, he said to himself, _what the hell are you doing? Ellison, you wanted to fucking kiss him. No wonder the cops wanted to knock the shit out of him, if this is how the big bad cop is acting._ More confused than ever, he decided to call Doctor Saccony for an extra appointment. She had an opening for that afternoon. He'd talk to her and see what he should do.

>>

When Jim got home, the phone was ringing, picking it up, he said, "Ellison." 

"Jim?" Simon said, "I talked to the Chief and he said it would probably be a good idea to have a ride along as long as he stayed in the truck and out of harm's way."

"Thanks, Simon," Jim said, "I'll tell him tonight and we can work around his hours."

"Oh," Simon said, "here's the best part. He won't be paid but he will get medical coverage the entire time he rides with you. I heard him say he didn't have insurance so that will be a good thing for him."

Smiling, Jim said, "Thanks again, Simon."

"So Jim," Simon asked, "how are the visits going with the doctor? Do you hate her or can you work with her?"

"I really like her, Simon." Jim said, "I think she can help with a number of things. In fact, I'm going to see her today. I have some things on my mind and I'm going to discuss them with her."

"Glad to hear it, Jim." Simon said, "I think you might be back sooner than you think."  
Jim did laundry and picked up the loft all morning trying to pass the time. God, he was so bored, he thought to himself. Finally, when it came time to go and see Dr. Saccony, he hurried out to the truck and took off for his appointment. 

When he got there, he signed in, sat down and waited for Doc to call him in. She did, within ten minutes. Walking into her office, he shut the door and sat down. 

"Good afternoon Jim," Dr. Saccony said, "What's on your mind? I'm really glad you called when you were having a problem."

"Doc," Jim started, "I have a lot to say. First of all, if I found myself falling for my teacher. Should I drop the class? I just don't know what to do about that. He's in my thoughts all the time and I know he doesn't think of me that way, but still, I just need to do the right thing."

"Okay," she said, "first of all, if you're wondering about it, it must be distracting you more than you're admitting, even to yourself. So, I would say, yes, bow out. Ask him or someone else for the name of another teacher that you can contact about becoming his or her student. You'll feel much better that way."

"Shit," Jim said, "I knew that would be the answer. I was just hoping. The second thing is I was going to bring him tomorrow to tell you my secret but I think I can do it by myself and wanted to know if that's okay with you."

"Jim," she said, "Are you not wanting me to talk to Professor Sandburg about you? Are you nervous about that? You do know that anything said between the two of us would never be said to him. You do, don't you?"

"Yeah," Jim said, "I know it, I'm just nervous."

Jim proceeded to tell Doctor Saccony about the entire Sentinel story and let her ask all sorts of questions. He answered as many as he could. He gave her an example of a few things so she could check on things to see if he really did it. Jim felt like a trained seal for a short time. About two hours later, they finished discussing the Sentinel project and she said, "Jim, I don't think you need to come as often as you do. I think that Blair will do more help for you than I ever could. So we'll cut back to once a week for now and I'll write a letter saying you are 75% better than when I first saw you. How does that sound?"

"Sounds great," Jim said smiling, "Blair's going to be so glad that you believed me."

"Now you have to do something for me," Dr. Saccony said, "I want to meet this Blair of yours. Bring him tomorrow. I'd still like to talk to him."

"That'll be great, "Jim said, "Thanks, doc."

Jim got up to leave and had a big smile on his face and Dr. Saccony said, "Jim, were you afraid to tell me about your feelings for Blair?"

"Hell yes," Jim said, "scared shitless is more like it. I've never felt this way about a guy before, so all this is new to me. I'm just glad I had someone to talk to about it. Thanks for being here for me."  
"You are very welcome, Jim." She said, "See you tomorrow."

They shook hands and Jim walked out the door feeling much lighter than when he had come in. He decided to go home and make a really nice dinner for the two of them. 

And when the time came, Jim decided that he'd get up enough nerve to actually ask Blair out on a real date. When the time came. 

>>

Getting into the truck to go home Jim looked at himself smiling in the rear view mirror and wondered how long it had been since he'd smiled so much. Jim knew it had been a really long time. He was becoming such an asshole and now, in one week, he was feeling like a new man. He turned the radio on and started singing along with it. 

>>

Jim stopped at the store on the way home and picked up all the fixings for lasagna, French garlic bread and Italian green beans. Dinner was going to be good. 

Once he got home, after unpacking the groceries, he started browning the sirloin steak he cut in tiny bite sized pieces for the sauce. A lot of people used hamburger, but he had a friend that was Italian and said, "Any real Italian doesn't use hamburger in their lasagna." Once the sauce was simmering, he started the noodles, shredded the cheeses he used and got the eggs and Ricotta out to beat together. God, he had forgotten how much he loved making Lasagna. This was going to be a great night. When he layered the lasagna, he was getting hungry just looking at it. It probably weighed ten pounds by the time he was done with it and put it in the oven. 

Next he made the Italian beans, which were fresh string beans, cooked with bacon in spaghetti sauce then topped with Mozzarella and Parmesan cheese. The loft smelled great. He made up a great Caesar salad and made the dressing to put on it when served. He picked up some Spumoni ice cream for dessert. After that meal, they would need something light. 

Jim set the timer and went up to get clean clothes to take a shower. He needed one all of a sudden. Once he stepped into the shower, he soaped up his hands and let them move over his body smoothly and leaned back as he started touching himself. As he continued stroking himself, he pictured Blair sucking him off and he came almost immediately. _Shit Ellison,_ he thought, _you're going to have to hold on longer than that._ Laughing at his train of thought, he rinsed off and got out of the shower and dried off. Jim got dressed and went into the living room, sat down and watched the news. He forgot to check the answering machine before he went into the room. 

The food was all done, so Jim turned it off and just left it sitting in there. Surely Blair would be home soon. It was already 7:00 p.m. and Jim wasn't pissed off because he was worried. Not that he had any right to do either. It's not like Blair knows how you feel, Jim told himself. And Blair is a big boy, he doesn't need permission to go and do things on his own. As he was heading into the living room, Jim saw the blinking light and pushed it. 

"Hey Jim, it's me, Blair. I just wanted to let you know I won't be home till really late. So, don't wait up for me. Sorry I didn't get to call sooner. I'll see you tomorrow. Night."  
Jim just stared at the machine as he got more pissed off. Jim pushed erase and put dinner in the refrigerator and went up to his room. Jim took his clothes off and got into bed and just lay there, feeling sorry for himself. Jim found out he was really good at the feeling sorry for himself part. Before long he fell asleep and woke up to the sound of a key in the door at 3:00 a.m. He didn't move. Just stayed in bed and pretended that he was asleep. 

Blair smelled that Jim had made a nice dinner and looked in the fridge and saw that his roommate had put it all away. Jim hadn't even eaten. Why, Blair wondered? He'd have to ask if everything was all right tomorrow. Surely, Jim didn't care if he went on a date, right? Blair brushed that bad feeling off as soon as it hit. He was certain that he was overreacting. But the cops at the precinct had thought Jim had a thing for him. What if Jim did? Shit, Blair thought. What the fuck do I do now?  
Blair went to the stairs and started to go up them slowly and quietly. Once at the top, he walked over to Jim's bed and looked at him in the moonlight, hoping he was asleep, but could see that Jim's eyes were open. Blair jumped. 

"Sorry, man," Blair said, "I needed to talk to you about something."

Moving over on the bed, Jim patted the bed for Blair to sit down. 

Sitting down, Blair said, "Jim, are you okay with me going out and doing things while I stay here or does this bother you?"

"Why would it bother me?" Jim answered, "I don't have anything to do with your love life."

Blair could hear the pain in that statement and knew right away that something was going on. "Jim," Blair started, "we're roommates, I'm your teacher, you're my student, we're working on the Sentinel thing and soon we might be working together, so we'd be smart to not put anything else on top of that, don't you think?"

"Sandburg," Jim said angrily, "do you mind if I get back to sleep. Some of us need more than a few hours sleep."

 _Sandburg? What was up with that?_ Blair wondered. "Fine, Jim," Blair said, "I'll talk to you in the morning. Sleep well."

As Blair was walking away from the bed, he swore he saw tears shining in Jim's eyes. No, that couldn't be. Not Jim Ellison. What the hell was going on? Blair needed to talk to him in the light of day that was for sure.

Blair went downstairs and got ready for bed and couldn't sleep because he kept thinking about Jim. First of all, Blair never, ever dated students. Next, he didn't date guys, not that he didn't think Jim was nice looking, but still, back to reason one. He was his student and right now he was also his roommate. He didn't want to get kicked out. Well, he'd talk to Jim in the morning. With that having been decided, he fell asleep and didn't hear a thing until his alarm went off at 7:00. 

>>

Jim had left very early in the morning; he needed some time to think. He stopped by at 8:00 and left his paper for the class with Blair's TA. He left a note for Blair saying he'd see him later on. He had to do something at the station today. He told him that the doctor's appointment was canceled. But Jim felt good about the paper he was turning in. He was finding each chapter more interesting than the last. He missed discussing it with Blair. 

As soon as he left there, he went to see Simon and told him that he'd bring Sandburg by on Monday if they could swing it. He hung out with Simon talking until it was time for his appointment with Dr. Saccony. Simon seemed to sense that Jim needed someone to talk with. He was going to ask but knew that he had the doctor's appointment. Who better to discuss things with than the shrink?

>>

When Jim got to Dr. Saccony's office, Blair was sitting there and didn't look very happy. Man, I can't get a break, Jim thought. 

"Sandburg," Jim said, "what are you doing here?"

"What the hell is with this Sandburg shit?" Blair asked, "What happened to calling me Blair for the last week?"

"Fine, Blair," Jim said, "what are you doing here?"

Yanking Jim out into the hallway, he said, "What the fuck is going on? First you aren't there this morning when I got up, and then you don't come to class. You leave your paper with my TA and then leave me a note saying this appointment was cancelled. I called to see when the new one was and they told me this one was still on."

"I feel like I don't have any time to myself." Jim said, "Everywhere I go, you're there. Everywhere. I just felt like telling her yesterday about the senses. She did fine with it and I figured you weren't needed."

Blair just stood there not knowing what to say. He thought they were friends but Jim had just felt like he had to let Blair move in with him. 

"Jim," Blair said, "I'll have everything moved out by tonight, okay? I'm sorry I was in your space."

Before he could make a move, Jim begged, "No. Please don't leave." 

"Jim," Blair said, "I have to tell you, I'm confused as hell here. Want to try telling me what it really is or I'm out of here?"

"Do you promise this won't change things?" Jim asked.

"I don't know, Jim," Blair answered, "I have to know what it is first."

"All right. I've put in for a new teacher." Jim started saying, "I feel like we do enough together as it is. I did it this morning. I'm going to be transferred, not that I wanted to, but I just don't feel comfortable in your class."

"Why?" Blair asked.

"Because I think I might be falling in love with you. I can't do this." Jim said and walked back into the doctor's waiting room. 

Dr. Saccony saw the two men walk in and she said, "Professor Sandburg? It's good to meet you. Could I see Jim for a few minutes first before I talk to you?"

"Sure." Blair said sitting down still in shock. 

"Jim," Dr. Saccony said, "are you going to fill me in on why you look like you are about to break into tears here?"

Dr. Saccony looked over and saw the tears rolling down Jim's face and she got up and went and sat next to him on the couch. She put her arm around him and he went into her embrace. He let her hold him while he cried softly. She just kept patting and rubbing his back trying to calm him down. After about ten minutes, he seemed to be calming down, so she moved away and gave Jim some Kleenex.  
Blowing his nose, Jim said, "I'm really sorry, Doc. I didn't plan on this. I'm so fucked." Dr. Saccony saw the tears coming again. 

"Jim," Dr. Saccony said, "could you fill me in on what I'm missing here? I feel like I missed a major piece of the puzzle. We can't put the damn thing together until I have all those pieces."

"I went and fell in love." Jim said with disgust, "Needless to say, he doesn't feel the same way. Who the hell falls in love with a man for the first time when he's 38 years old?"

Jim was angry and the tears had stopped but now he seemed to have a wall going up and Dr. Saccony wasn't quite sure she liked the wall there at all. 

The door to her office opened and Blair walked in and said, "Excuse me Dr. Saccony, but Jim said something to me right before he came in here and I feel like I really need to talk with him about it." 

He turned to Jim and said, "You don't drop something like that on someone outside the shrink's office and then walk away. You can be a major asshole."

"Blair," Dr. Saccony said, "why don't you sit down and we can discuss a few things. First of all, did you know that Jim had feelings for you before today?"

"No," Blair answered, "I mean, I guess I should have figured it out last night but I'm not that quick sometimes."

"How do you feel about his feelings for you?" she asked.

"Honestly?" Blair said, "It scares the shit out of me. I've never been in this type of situation before."  
Jim got up and stared out the window watching the rain start and thought, oh that's perfect, and rain will make things so much better. Leaning his head against the window, he just stood there and tried to zone out. This would be a really good time.

Dr. Saccony started talking to Jim but when Jim failed to answer, she asked Blair "Is this what a zone is like for Jim?"  
"Exactly," Blair said, "Jim, come on back to me, okay? Come on, I need to talk to you, Jim."

Jim turned and looked at him and the tears were back. He said, "Blair, I can't do this. I just can't. I thought I could just act like it was no big deal but I'm in love with you and I can't."

Blair reached up and touched Jim's face and wiped away the tear that was rolling down Jim's face. Then he pulled Jim down to him and kissed him so softly and quickly that Jim wasn't quite sure it really happened. Blair watched Jim's face and pulled him back down again. This time he kissed him with longing and lust. Jim pulled Blair into his body and said, "Blair, we can't do this if you don't really want me. I can't have you dating anyone else. I don't share well."

"I don't either," Blair said smiling, "So as of now, we're both off the market."

Blair looked at Dr. Saccony and said, "In case you're wondering, Jim transferred out of my class so he's not my student any longer."

She smiled and said, "Sit down, please. I'd like to discuss a few things with both of you."

They all sat and talked about the Sentinel issue. How good of an idea it was for Jim to go back to work. Finally, Dr. Saccony signed the release paper for Jim but also told him that he had to continue to come in for one more month, once a week. With Jim agreeing, she finally let the two men be on their way. 

As they walked out to the truck, Jim said, "Want to ride home with me? We could come back later for your car."

Smiling, Blair said, "Sounds good to me." 

Jim opened up the door to the truck and Blair got in. Jim went around to the other side and Blair reached over to unlock it for him. This simple gesture made Jim get all warm inside. Jim knew he was in deep and had it bad. 

He reached over to do up Blair's seatbelt and kissed him softly before going back over to start the truck. Blair smiled at him and said, "Do you suppose we could use the siren to get home in a hurry?"  
Jim started laughing and said, "No."

The drive home was uneventful other than the cell phone ringing and Simon yelling, "Jim, I need you to come to the station right now! As of this moment, you're back on duty. Dr. Saccony said she released you as of today and we need you on the Switchman case. The observer pass came through for Sandburg. He just has to sign all of the paperwork."

"Yes, sir." Jim answered and hung his cell up. "Sorry, Blair, but they need us at the station right away. We'll pick this up later on."

"So, I'm going to work with you?" asked Blair.

"Yes, the observer pass came through." Jim said, "So if you want out, this would be the time to tell me."

"No way, man." Blair said almost bouncing in his seat. 

Jim worried that Blair didn't have any idea how this was going to be soon. For some reason, this didn't please Jim in any way.

"Blair," Jim finally said, "I have something to ask you."

"Sure," Blair said, "Shoot."

Jim wasn't too wild about the way he said that. He said, "When we finally get to the precinct, I'm not going to be calling you Blair anymore. I'll have to keep it professional. It'll be Sandburg while we are at the station. All right?"

"Well," Blair said, "that's still my name, so yeah, that's fine. Don't worry about it Jim. Can I still call you Jim?"

Jim smiled at him and said, "You can call me anything you want. Well, I better not say that. It's either Jim or Ellison. All right?"

"Ellison," Blair said, "Lighten up. I was joking."

Jim smiled at him and said, "When we get to the loft later on, we'll discuss some of the things that we need to talk about. I don't want you to think I'm forgetting about this."

"Sure," Blair answered, "Work comes first. I totally understand that, man."

As they drove the rest of the way, Jim kept looking at Blair and Blair would look at him back and smile. _God_ , Jim thought, _he can make me melt with his eyes and those lips of his. I'm in so deep here._

When they got to the station, Jim said, "Sandburg, whatever happens, you always stay behind me. Do you understand that?"  
"Do I look stupid?" Blair asked Jim, "My mom didn't raise no fool." Laughing, he walked away from Jim. Jim pulled him back to the truck and said, "Sandburg, I need to know that you'll be taking this seriously. I can't worry about you the whole time."

Blair brushed Jim off of him and said, "Jim, I'm capable of taking care of myself, but I also know what I'm capable of and not. So, I won't be taking any chances. I'm not an idiot." 

Jim knew that Blair was pissed off at him for treating him as if he was a child. "I'm sorry, Sandburg," Jim said, "I won't mention it again, I promise."

"Yeah, right." Blair said as he started for the elevator to go up to Major Crimes. 

When they got upstairs the bullpen was in an uproar. Everyone was going nuts trying to figure out where to go and what to do. The switchman was made a new call and new demands. 

"What about the surveillance that was put on that barn that the snitch told us was a good spot?" Jim asked. 

"We still have people there," Simon said, "We need you to go and check it out Jim and see if you can find anything out."

When they got there everyone had on their vests on, they had their hats on so no one would be shooting someone by accident. Even Blair was given a vest and hat. Jim asked Joel to watch out for Sandburg while he went inside. 

Blair said, "Ellison, I need to go with you. No arguing on this."

"No, Sandburg," Jim said, "you're out here watching with the rest. I'll be fine and I'd feel better if you were out here. I promise I'll be careful."

Sandburg growled and in a soft whisper said, "I hate when you do that and we'll talk about this later on tonight."

Jim smiled at him and said to Joel, "Look out for him, okay, Joel?"

"Sure enough, Jim." Joel answered, "You know I'll take care of him just as you would."

As Jim walked away, he thought to himself, _well, you better not_ and found himself smiling. What the hell was happening to this tough cop? Jim knew he was becoming a softie. As he walked up to the other officers, they all went into the barn and they were looking for things, when the first cop found a magazine with Jim's face all over the front of it. "Seems like this might be personal," he said. 

Jim answered, "Yeah, it looks that way, doesn't it?" As he said that, he turned around and smelled something in the air and said, "I smell gas."

They all started to look around for the bomb that was supposed to be there. They found it but that wasn't the smell. Jim opened a hatch on the floor and saw what was going to really blow and kill them all if they didn't get out immediately. "Get out, right now," Jim yelled and started pushing everyone out of the building. They were all on their way out and had just cleared the doorway when the whole building exploded. Jim thought he was going to die from the sound alone. His hearing was acting up. He tried turning the sounds down with the dial as Blair had taught him to do and that seemed to work. He was just lying there waiting for his heart to stop pounding when he heard a motorcycle engine. He stood up and at that exact moment, a motorcycle came flying out of an underground area. Jim reached out and held on to this person for dear life. He was being drug until the person turned around and Jim's eyes played tricks on him. Before he could think, he let go and was on the ground. 

As Jim lay on the ground, he waited for someone to pick him up and thought of what he was going to tell Simon. 

Joel and Sandburg came and picked up Jim. Blair tried to remain calm. He knew he had to for Jim's sake and for his own if he wanted to stay with Jim. "Ellison," Blair said, "You okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Jim said angrily. "I can't believe this guy got away. I just couldn't hold on."

Joel said, "Jim, he was dragging you awfully fast. I don't think any of us could've held on. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Ellison," Blair said, "do you want to go back and see if we can find anything that would help us with this case before we go back to the precinct?"

"I think that would be a good idea," Jim answered, "we might find just the clue we need to get this stupid fucker."

When they got back, Jim and Blair went off by themselves and tried to find things that would help. Blair helped Jim by helping him focus and Jim was able to find a few things to go on. He now had a smell to go on and a few other things. He and Sandburg were going to go and find out some things. Blair had told him about a place that sold shampoo's that had the scents Jim described. 

Once they got to the shop, Jim described the scent to the girl that worked there and noticed that Blair started flirting with her. He walked up to Blair and said, "Knock it off, Sandburg, if you want to keep all of your parts intact."

Blair started laughing as the girl and Jim started going through all of the scents. Blair knew that Jim wouldn't hurt him in any way but he also knew that Jim was jealous. That was a nice feeling. He sat and watched Jim and smiled until Jim looked over at him; then he turned away. It was Jim's turn to smile. 

The woman narrowed it down from what Jim described and smelled and came up with a specially made shampoo. She told Jim that she'd print out a list of the customers that bought it from her.

While they waited, Blair came over and said, "So Jim, how are you doing after all of those smells? Do you have a headache?"  
Jim looked at him oddly and said, "How did you know that I had a headache?"

"Makes sense to me," Blair said, "you need to focus and turn that dial down. Then you'll be able to tolerate more pain and will have fewer headaches."

Jim did as Blair instructed and found himself feeling better almost at once. He smiled at Blair and said, "It worked, thanks."

The woman at the counter came over and handed Jim the list of people. Jim looked it over and got an odd look on his face. Blair said, "What's wrong Jim? You know anyone on this list?"

"You could say that." Jim said, "This name here, she's the daughter of one of the men that died in the helicopter crash in Peru."

"Do you think it was against you from the start?" Blair asked, "Man, this sucks but we'll find her, Jim, and we'll get her help."

Jim smiled at Blair and said, "Let's get going. We need to find her before she hurts anyone else."

Making a phone call, Jim found out where she was working. They went directly to the tall tower and parked in front. Jim got out, handed Blair the phone and told him, "Sandburg, I need you to stay here. I want you to call for my backup. Please."

Blair didn't like it but knew he wouldn't get very far if he didn't do what Jim wanted. He dialed the phone number of major crimes as soon as Jim went into the building. He explained to Simon what was going on, who they were looking for and where Jim was. Simon was going to send back up. Blair leaned against the truck and noticed a bus was getting ready to take off. Then he recognized the driver as Veronica Serris. Holy Shit, he thought. What should he do now? The only thing he could think to do was jump on the bus and keep track of her. 

Jim was on the top of the building when he looked down and saw Blair jump on the bus. He then saw Veronica Serris get in the bus and drive off. As Jim ran to the elevator, people heard him saying, "fuck".

Once down on the ground, he found out that his truck had been towed away. He procured a cab from a driver and took off in pursuit. Knowing he could never catch up, he went above. He got out and jumped on top of the bus. Veronica didn't know exactly what was going on at first, but then realized that Jim was probably up there. She stopped the bus and started shooting through the roof. 

Blair, sitting straight in his seat, took out the phone and dialed Major Crimes. As soon as it went through, he asked for Simon. She took her gun and told Blair to tell them that they were too late. Ellison had screwed it up. Blair told Simon exactly what she told him too. But at the same time, Blair was watching for a way to get the damn gun away from her. Suddenly the back window came flying in, with Jim behind it. She was taken off guard and Blair grabbed her gun and took control of it easily. He held the gun out and kept his distance while Jim walked up to her. 

"Why are you doing this?" Jim asked her, "I did everything I could for your dad. You must know that I liked him a great deal. I never would have hurt him."

"You're a fucking liar and now you'll die with these people." Veronica said. 

"Where did you put the bomb?" Jim asked really quietly. She just laughed and sat down. It was like she gave up. 

"Jim, listen for it." Blair said, "listen only for it. Nothing else."

So Jim started listening for it and knew where it was. He found the bomb and was getting it out so he could dispose of it when Veronica made her move on Sandburg. But Sandburg was ready. The gun got knocked out of his hands, but he didn't need it, he slugged her so hard he knocked her out  
.  
"Shit," Blair said, "I think I broke my fucking hand."

Jim finished pulling the bomb out. Throwing it out the back window, he told everyone to get down. 

Next Jim called the backup and told them to move in. He and Blair helped everyone out of the bus. 

As soon as Veronica woke up, Jim read her rights to her as he put the cuffs on.

"Good job, Ellison," Simon said, "We didn't expect it to end this quickly, so needless to say, the Chief will be pleased to hear this news."

"I did it with Sandburg's help, sir." Jim said. 

Blair smiled and said, "Could I get out of here? I really need some ice for my hand."

The paramedics were there. Jim waited beside Blair as he got his hand checked out. "Mr. Sandburg," they said, "you need to keep the bandage on it for about four days. It's bruised and you just need to let it rest."

"I promise," Blair said, "now, can I get out of here?"

They got into Simon's car since Jim's truck got towed away and went to the station to fill out the paper work. Jim said, "Sir, I think Sandburg needs to get out of here soon. It might be the first time he's ever had to hit anyone and you know how that feels."

Simon looked at Jim strangely and said, "Yeah, sure, take him home. We'll see you tomorrow."

When they got into the elevator, Jim could see Blair shaking. He said, "Sandburg, wait till we get in the truck and we'll talk okay?"

"I'm fine," Blair answered nervously, "I just need to go home."

When they got down to the parking garage, Rafe pulled up with Jim's truck. "Here you go Jim," Rafe said, "Captain Banks asked us to get it for you."

"Thanks," Jim replied, "we'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodbye, Sandburg," Rafe called out. 

Sandburg just kept walking, saying nothing, and got into Jim's truck and shut the door. Jim followed and got in the driver's side. As they left the garage, Jim kept glancing over at Blair to see if he was okay. Jim knew that Blair's heart was pounding entirely too fast but, other than that, he seemed fine.

>>>

When they parked in the parking lot at the loft, Jim turned the truck off and put the keys in his pocket. Then he pulled Blair over to him and held him in his arms. Blair was shaking and continued to do so but Jim could tell that Blair was tough and wasn't going to let this take over.

Jim kissed him on his mouth, his forehead, his eyes, his ears and then his neck. Blair stopped shaking and started moaning. Jim said, "Now that's the sound I want to hear. Let's take this show upstairs."

As they walked hand in hand into their building, Blair kept looking at Jim and smiling. Jesus, Blair thought, he was in love with this man. 

In the elevator, Blair tried to start something, but Jim said no. "Wait till we're upstairs, Blair," Jim pleaded, "I want it to be right the first time."

For Christ's sake, Jim's voice alone made Blair hard. Blair knew he was in major trouble but this was the kind of trouble he wanted to be in. 

When they walked into the loft, Jim asked, "Blair, do you think you could help me with a paper for my new class tonight? I need to do it up right for the new teacher. Oh wait, maybe I could sleep with her and get good grades."

Blair slugged Jim and said, "Very funny, man. You'll see who's laughing later when he doesn't get any sex at all."

Jim led Blair upstairs to his room and they both lay on the bed and smiled at each other. "Blair," Jim said, "do you think that I've gotten better with my senses, my temper and everything else that is wrong with me?"

"Yeah, Jim," Blair said, "I really think you're coming along really well. Don't worry about it. I'm writing up a good paper for you for Simon."

"Dr. Saccony said I still needed to come once a week." Jim said, "What do you think about that?"

"I agree with her," Blair answered, "you aren't completely cured yet but I see a major improvement and I feel that you're going to be just fine."

As Jim started unbuttoning Blair's shirt, Blair was doing the same thing with Jim's. Before long they were both lying there naked, kissing each other, barely able to breathe. 

"Jim," Blair asked, "you've never done this before, right?"

"Am I scaring you?" Jim asked smiling, "because if I'm scaring you, we can always wait for another day."

"Move and I'm taking your arm off." Blair said laughing. 

Jim started licking Blair, from his face, to his neck, down his chest, over his nipples and then looked up at Blair. "Man," Blair said, "you're going to drive me crazy with the licking alone. God, but you make me feel good."

Smiling Jim went back to Blair's nipples and felt them grow hard under his tongue. Jim had never felt a man's nipples with his tongue but it was making him feel magnificent. Jim was hard as a rock. Jim then moved down to Blair's belly button and started licking. Blair said, "Jim, stop it. I'm ticklish."

"Tough," Jim said, "lie back and enjoy this."

Moving farther down, Jim licked the insides of Blair's thighs. After each lick, he would softly kiss the same spot. Blair was moaning up a storm by this time so Jim figured he was doing this right. Jim was watching Blair's cock and saw it get harder and harder right before his eyes. God, this was a total turn on to Jim. 

Softly and tenderly, Jim took Blair's cock into his mouth and licked all the way around it with his tongue and then started a sucking motion. Again, Jim figured he must be doing it right because Blair was starting to push his hips up as Jim sucked. They had a rhythm going and Blair was getting close. Jim could taste the pre-cum more and more. It was getting stronger and stronger. Plus, the cock itself was getting harder and felt like it was swelling differently. Jim would imagine that this would be a hard thing to describe. 

Jim just kept sucking hard and Blair was making more noise as he did this. Blair said, "Jim, you had better move if you don't want this." Jim could feel him get more swollen and knew that Blair was going to come. This was turning Jim on like he'd never been before. Blair screamed, "Jim." and came down Jim's throat. Jim was so into it that he came on his mattress. Didn't even need to be touched, just the sight alone did it for Jim. 

Blair pulled Jim up into his arms and said, "God that was fantastic. Shit, I can't imagine what you'll do to me when you get good at it." Laughing, Jim kissed him and said, "Chief, it was enough to make me come without a touch." 

Blair smiled at Jim and said, "No shit?" 

Smiling again, Jim answered, "No shit."

They both fell asleep in each other's arms. When Jim awoke, he was alone. Jim was positive he didn't like that feeling at all. He could hear the shower running downstairs and Jim got up. He walked down to see why Blair left their bed. Jim was afraid, suddenly, that maybe Blair was having second thoughts. Jim leaned his head on the doorframe of the bathroom and listened to Blair in the shower. Blair's heartbeat seemed to be normal; not fast. So maybe he was just taking a shower, nothing more, nothing less. 

Jim turned around and started walking back up the stairs to get some clothes on. "Jim," Blair called out. "I hear you out there. Come on in."

With a big smile on his face, Jim walked into the bathroom, forgetting that he had no clothes on and he already had a hard on that was about to drill nails. Blair didn't miss it. He smiled and opened the shower curtain, then said, "Come on in, hot shot." 

Jim scrambled into the shower and he began kissing Blair, gently, at first. Then as he got under the water, he started kissing Blair heavily to match the beat of the water hitting their bodies. Jim never realized what a turn on water could be. "Blair," Jim said, "Fuck me?"

Blair stood looking at Jim, not really knowing what to say. "Jim," Blair said, "I really think that we should do some research on it before we take that major step." 

Jim looked at Blair disappointedly but he knew that Blair would know what would be best. So instead, he knelt down in front of Blair and took Blair's cock into his mouth. Blair was very happy with this outcome. Blair put his hands on either side of Jim's head and started pushing his cock into Jim's mouth a little deeper. Jim kept Blair from gagging him. He didn't want to ruin this for either of them. Jim started humming and moaning onto Blair's cock and Blair lost complete control. He came down Jim's throat quickly, but not quietly. He screamed out Jim's name as he came. Jim licked off his cock and let it out of his mouth and then looked up at Blair and smiled. _God_ , Jim thought, _he is so fucking beautiful. I adore this man._

Blair went down on his knees this time for Jim. He could see that Jim needed to be taken care of soon. Blair took some soap, put it on his fingers and started sliding his fingers inside of Jim. His hole was warm, inviting and tight. Blair then took Jim's cock into his mouth. Jim wasn't going to last long, Blair knew. Blair rubbed Jim's prostate three times and Jim came down Blair's throat. 

When Jim came, he said something Blair hadn't ever heard from someone. Jim said, "I love you, Blair." Blair didn't know if he was scared or happy. He needed to think about this some more. 

As they sat down at breakfast, Jim handed Blair his paper for his new class to see if Blair thought it was worth handing in. Blair began reading and was in awe of this man again. Jim didn't strike anyone as the type that would get into Anthropology, but he seemed to really like it. His papers were not only thought provoking but his heart and soul was in each one. 

"Jim," Blair said, "have you ever thought of getting another degree and teaching? You're excellent with these papers and I think you could share knowledge easily."

"What's the matter, Blair?" Jim asked, "You don't think I make a good cop anymore?"

"Very funny." Blair said, "You're not only a good cop, you're a great cop. I hope you stay that way. But have you ever considered taking classes for moving into a different role? Like a profiler or something like that?"

"No." Jim said, "I really like my job just as it is."

"Sorry, Jim." Blair said, "I didn't mean that you aren't worthy of being a great cop now. I just meant I can see so much more in you. I really wish you'd consider switching classes from Anthropology to Psychology."

"Blair," Jim said kissing him, "I'll think about it, okay?"

"Okay." Blair answered and started kissing him back. 

"Hey Jim," Blair asked, "When's your next appointment with Dr. Saccony? I just realized she'd be a good one to discuss this change in classes with. She might be able to give you some pointers on what to do."

"I see her on Monday." Jim said, "I really, really like her, Blair. She's good at what she does but doesn't make you feel like a freak."

"Got any plans for today?" Blair asked. 

"We could spend the day in bed," Jim said, "or we could go see that museum you talked about for the last six days."

"You'd do that? Blair asked incredulously. "Man, I love you more by the second."

Smiling, Jim took Blair into his arms and said, "Let's get ready and go to the museum. We'll just make a whole day of it."

They walked up the stairs and got ready to go. Once dressed, they left and walked to the museum. It was a beautiful day. Both knew that they were going to have to discuss some formidable things soon, but for right now, this was pleasant. The relaxing atmosphere was amazing. Jim had never had anyone look at him like Blair was looking at him right now. Pure love. Pure adoration. Jim could grow to like this...a lot. 

Walking around the museum, Jim saw things through Blair's eyes and what a treat this was turning out to be. Everything with Blair was bright. Everything turned cheerful. Jim couldn't help but smile every time he looked over at Blair. Jesus, thought Jim, do people really fall in love this fast? 

Blair came up beside Jim and said, "Hey, I see someone I'd like you to meet. Do you mind?"

"No, I don't mind." Jim answered. They walked over towards an older woman and Blair introduced her as Chancelor Edwards from the university. 

"Pleased to meet you," Jim said, shaking her hand.

"Any friend of Blair's is everyone's friend," she said smiling at Jim. "It's been nice meeting you, Jim, I have to go and mingle. Hope to see you again, soon."

"Thanks, ma'am." Jim said as they started walking away. Jim saw the odd look she gave to him and wondered how much she knew about he and Blair. Did this bother him? These were all questions that would need to be answered by both men in the next few days. 

Once they left the museum, they walked towards their home, stopping half way for dinner. "How about Thai?" Jim asked as they walked by one of his favorite restaurants. 

"I love Thai," Blair answered. So the two men walked in, ordered food to go and waited in the front trying to keep their hands off of each other. They called Jim's name and Jim paid, picked up the order and they headed out the door. The walk home was relaxing and by the time they got back, they were both hungry. 

Hanging up their coats inside the loft, Blair asked, "Jim, want a beer with dinner?"

"Sure," Jim called from the bathroom where he was washing his hands. 

Blair came in and said, "Mind if I get my hands in there too? I need to wash up. Jim moved to the side and Blair put his hands under the running water and squirted soap on his palms and started scrubbing himself clean. Jim leaned over and kissed Blair's neck. Blair moaned as he leaned into Jim. "All right, let's get out there and get our dinner eaten before we attack each other again. Blair, we have to eat."

Laughing, they rinsed and dried their hands and went into the kitchen for their plates of food and their beers. "Want to watch a movie?" Jim asked.

"Yeah," Blair answered, "that would be great. Or we could do something wild like talk."

"Okay, talk it is." Jim said smiling. "Did I tell you that I don't do talking that well?"

Blair kissed him on the lips and said, "Tough guy, you talk just fine. Let's eat and talk."

"Jim," Blair started, "who are we going to tell about us? Do you want this to be a complete secret or do you mind if we tell some people where you, and I, work?"

"I'd like to keep it quiet for a few days, Blair." Jim said and noticed the look of hurt on Blair's face.

"Blair, I believe that we can't get very far in our relationship if everyone's watching us to see what we're up to."

"That's fine," Blair said quietly. "It's not a big deal. I'm just more open, I guess. But, considering you work in a closed society, I can understand your feelings about this. It's not a problem, Jim."

"I'm not ashamed of us." Jim said angrily, "I want to tell my dad and my brother in the next few weeks. If you don't object, that is, but telling those at work may take me a little longer."

"Jim," Blair asked, "do you think that they'll accept it or do you think they'll be really angry at me? It wouldn't be the first time that someone thinks it's all my fault."

"Okay, Blair," Jim said, "First thing Monday, after I see Dr. Saccony and you're done your classes, we'll go in and talk to Simon. We'll start with him. I think he should know first."

"Sounds good to me," Blair said, "Did you really mean it about telling your dad and your brother?"

"Yeah, I did." Jim said smiling, "I love you, Blair, I want them to know. If they don't like it, they don't have to, but they do need to know that I'm wild about you. They'll take both, or neither, of us."

Blair threw himself on top of Jim, almost knocking Jim's plate over and said, "Man, I love you so much. You are such a romantic. Sometimes, I forget that you love me until you say something like that. I'm easily reminded. Thank you."

"For loving you?" Jim asked. "I'd be a crazy man, if I wasn't in love with you. I love your smile and I love how the smile goes up to your eyes melting my heart with one look. I'm passionate about you, Blair." 

"I never would've thought you were such a romantic, Jim." Blair said kissing him again. "Let's clean up and go to bed, what do you say?"

They got up, cleaned their plates and put all leftover food away in the fridge. Blair went into the bathroom first, brushing his teeth, washing his hands and his face and just a few other spots. Smiling and getting hard at the same time. As he walked out, Jim came in and Jim could smell his arousal in the room and this made Jim smile and kiss him as he left. 

"See you upstairs," Blair said as he took off for the bedroom. 

Jim got ready for bed. He was actually quite anal about his routine but figured, what the hell, he hurriedly washed his face, armpits, groin and a few other spots, hoping that maybe he'd need to be clean. Jim found himself looking into the mirror and saw a man, very happy, very much in love and couldn't wait to get upstairs. Jim didn't put any of his clothes back on. He decided to go up naked and see what kind of reaction he'd get from Blair. 

Blair heard him come up the stairs and saw a naked Jim at the top and his mouth just dropped. God, this man was gorgeous, Blair said to himself. Blair got hard instantly. Jim already was. He was hard before he even got up there. 

Jim moved over to the bed and said, "Blair, strip, I feel a little overdressed."

Blair couldn't get his boxers off quick enough. Jesus, they were both panting and they weren't even in each other's arms yet. 

Blair moved into Jim's arms and they started kissing. Blair realized it was a little bit different this time. It meant so much more. Wow, Blair didn't think that possible. Blair's heart felt like it was going to burst. What the hell was going on? Blair started shaking and Jim pulled him close and said, "Blair, what's wrong? Did I do something wrong?"

Blair pulled Jim closer to him and said, "Don't you dare pull away from me. I'm just having a little emotional attack here. Try and ignore me."

"Blair," Jim said, "I couldn't ignore you if my life depended on it. You're my reason for breathing these days."

Jim could feel Blair shaking even more and Jim was getting worried. Blair finally pulled away from Jim and had tears running down his face as he said, "Jim, I love you so much. I really, really love you."

Jim just held on tight. There were no thoughts of sex now. He just wanted to hold on to this man that he loved more than life and sleep. So that's what they did. They both fell asleep. 

Blair woke up first in the morning, with such an ache in his groin. He felt like someone kicked him. His cock was almost in Jim's ass. This made him smile. He wondered if Jim could feel him in his sleep. 

Jim woke up with Blair's hard cock almost shoved up his ass and Jim hoped Blair would poke him more as the day went on. 

Blair reached around Jim and started stroking Jim's cock. Finding Jim already hard made Blair smile. But, after a few light touches, Jim felt like he would come. He didn't want to come that soon. He'd like to last longer than five minutes. Then again, maybe Blair would do it again if he came too soon. Another thing they could discuss when the time came. Jim had many questions to ask Blair. They were both in the shy stages now, so not too many questions were answered or even asked. Jim hoped they would be over this stage soon. 

They had fallen asleep the night before without discussing why Blair had been so freaked out. So Jim decided they needed to discuss it now. 

"Want to tell me what that was about last night?" Jim asked as he kissed Blair, "I don't ever want to scare you."

"I wasn't scared, not even a little bit." Blair replied kissing Jim back. "I just was a little overwhelmed with all the love stuff. I've never been in love like this before."

"Tell me about it," Jim said quietly into Blair's neck as he nuzzled him.

"I love you, Jim." Blair said emotionally. 

"I'd really like you to make love to me." Jim said almost in a whisper. "What do you think of that idea, Blair?"  
"I think I'd love to fuck your brains out." Blair answered as calmly as he could. "But I think I should read up on some things first. I don't want to hurt you."

"Can't we just play it by ear and see how it goes?" Jim asked, "I want you to fuck me now."

They started kissing and before long Blair was losing what little willpower he had. He knew that he might be fucking Jim before the day was out and that in itself was scary but it was also very exciting. Jim leaned over into his nightstand and handed Blair some lube. Then Jim rolled to his side with his ass in Blair's direction. Blair pulled him around and pushed him onto his back. "If we're doing this," Blair said, "we're doing it my way." 

Blair spread Jim's legs apart and got in between them. He leaned down and took Jim's cock into his mouth. Jim kept rising up to meet Blair's mouth. He was groaning and moaning. Blair pushed his hips back down to the bed. He didn't let Jim go too far into his mouth. Blair did all the work and Jim was getting close, Blair could tell. Blair started slowing down and put some lube on his finger and slid a finger in Jim's hole. Jim stiffened for one moment but made himself relax. Jim wasn't used to this but he wasn't about to let Blair stop. So Blair continued pushing inside of him. Blair continued stretching Jim as Jim said, "More please?"

Blair pulled his finger out making Jim moan from the loss. He put more lube on another finger and had two fingers slide in. This time Jim was ready for it. It still was a really odd sensation but felt good at the same time. Blair went back to sucking on Jim's cock and probing his prostate. Jim was so close; he knew he wasn't going to last long. "Fuck me?" Jim asked with his eyes half closed and looking sexier than any person had a right to. 

Blair withdrew his fingers and Jim moaned again from the loss. This time, Blair entered Jim with three and really started stretching Jim. Leaning over him, Blair took Jim back into his mouth. "Blair, I'm not going to last long," Jim said breathlessly, "I'd like us to come together."

Blair put a condom on himself and said, "Got any idea of how this would be most comfortable?"  
Jim could tell Blair was a nervous wreck. So, Jim rose, putting a pillow underneath him. Then he put his legs around Blair's waist as he said, "This will work."

Blair didn't need to be told twice. He entered Jim slowly, so as not to hurt him. "Jesus Christ," Blair whispered, "this is like heaven. I have to stop or I'm going to come right now."

Jim smiled at Blair and said, "Blair, kiss me."

Blair forgot about anything else and kissed Jim. He calmed down a little bit. Instead of coming, he was getting harder now. Jim pushed his hips towards Blair and Blair met him with a hard thrust. Both of them yelled this time. 

"Jesus, Blair, this is fucking fantastic." Jim said, trying not to come first thing.

Each time Blair pounded Jim, he hit Jim's prostate, and Jim was getting so close; he knew he had to lose it soon. "Fuck me harder, Blair, please?"

"Jim, I wanna fuck you forever." Blair said, as he pounded harder and harder each time and every time Jim was howling. Finally Jim couldn't hold off any longer; threw back his head and he screamed, "Blair."

Blair couldn't believe the feeling that he was experiencing at this moment. Each time Jim's cock spurted out come; Jim's ass was grabbing hold of Blair's cock and stroking it. Blair felt his orgasm coming and didn't even try to fight it. It felt too fucking good. As he came, he shouted, "Jim."

As Blair lay on top of Jim, resting afterwards, Jim smiled and said, "I feel like we just had role call."

Blair lifted his head and said, "What?"

"I screamed out your name as I came," Jim said, "and you yelled mine. That's what I meant by taking roll call."

"No, we're not taking roll call." Blair said smiling, "Just like to know who is in our bed and let them know we know."

Jim went into Blair's arms and cuddled. Blair was shocked. Who would've thought Jim Ellison was a cuddler? Not Blair, that's for sure. 

As Blair ran his hands over Jim's hair, Blair decided that maybe they should have a talk about a few things. "What do you think about being exclusive?" Blair asked, "I don't want to cramp your style but I don't like to share?"

"That's very good to hear." Jim said quickly, "Because I'm not sharing. Ever."

"Good." Blair said kissing Jim. "I love you."

"I love you, back." Jim said softly. "Will you move up here today? 

"Yeah, I'd like that, Jim." Blair said smiling and cuddled closer to Jim. 

>>

After their showers, they moved all of Blair's belongings upstairs and got them all put away. Most of the day was spent on getting things in order. Jim was a very orderly person and Blair didn't want to throw his order out of whack. Finishing this all up, he made his way down the stairs to the office. That's what they were calling his old room now. This made Blair smile. 

Blair sat down at the desk in the little room downstairs once it was cleaned out to do his class work for the next day. Jim walked up and asked, "Blair, you need any help with anything for tomorrow?"

"Nope, got it covered." Blair answered with a huge smile on his face. "Why don't you get your paper ready for your class?"

Jim sat down at the kitchen table and typed up his paper. Blair had told him it was a good one, so he trusted his love and teacher. Even if he wasn't his teacher any longer, he still trusted him. As Jim finished typing up the paper, he then leaned back and just thought about what was going to happen tomorrow. First he'd go to class. Then he'd go to see Dr. Saccony and get the paperwork all signed and sealed. Lastly, he'd go and talk to Simon about he and Blair. He felt like Simon should know. Just in case. Jim didn't plan on bringing their love life to work, but also didn't want to do this behind Simon's back. Jim found himself getting a little nervous. He'd have to talk to Dr. Saccony about that.  
When Jim finally got sleepy and bored, he went into the office, slowly lifting Blair's hair and kissing the back of his neck. A shiver ran through Blair's body. He turned and said, "I love you, Jim."

"I didn't mean to interrupt you," Jim said, "I'm tired so I'm going to bed. Just wanted to say goodnight."

"I'll be up in just a little bit." Blair said, "Can I wake you when I get up there?"

"You never have to ask me if you can wake me up," Jim answered him as he walked out the door. "I'll be waiting."

Damn, Blair couldn't keep his mind on his paper. This wasn't going as planned. After about an hour, he had to give up finally and head upstairs. When he got up there, he just stared. Jim was sound asleep, but Jim was also naked, lying on the top of the covers and it was making Blair instantly hard. Jesus, this man was gorgeous, Blair thought. 

He climbed into bed and started kissing Jim on his neck and moving down to his chest. Jim started moving; letting Blair know that he was awake. Not to mention the cock sticking up rather proudly. Blair stripped his own clothes off with one hand, the other being busy rubbing Jim's balls. Blair never would have figured Jim for someone this easy. But he was, making Blair smile. 

"Jim, what do you want?" Blair asked. "Tell me what you've dreamed of."

Jim pulled Blair on top of him and aligned their cocks and started pushing Blair's into his own. They started a rhythm and Blair loved the sounds that Jim was making at the moment. Blair slid his hand in between them and got some pre-cum on his fingers. He reached around and slid his hand underneath Jim. He reached Jim's hole and pushed one finger in. Jim started pushing Blair harder against his body and then Jim did the same thing. Got some pre-cum and slid a finger into Blair. He rubbed Blair's prostate and Blair was howling. Jim could tell that Blair was right on the edge. He slid another finger in, stretched and then played with his prostate again. Blair pushed his cock against Jim's and came with a yell. "Jim... Jim... Jim..."

When Jim heard his name, he came yelling, "Blair." They were both breathing really hard and trying to get back to normal before they talked. Jim pulled Blair closer to him and kept him there. Blair could feel Jim shaking and didn't know if this was a good or bad thing so he was quiet for a while; waiting to see what Jim did or said. Blair leaned over and grabbed his boxers and wiped both of them off. Blair couldn't see Jim's face so he knew he was going to have to ask him if something was wrong. 

"Jim, is something wrong?" Blair asked almost afraid of the answer. "Please talk to me. Remember we said we'd talk about things?"

"I'm just scared about tomorrow, Blair." Jim said holding him even closer. "Don't worry, it's nothing bad. Just a case of nerves."

"I'll be right back." Blair said as he jumped out of bed and went rushing down the stairs. Jim could hear water running and knew that Blair was getting washcloths to clean them up. God, Jim loved that man. 

Blair came up the stairs and started cleaning Jim off. "Jim, you know that there's no rush to tell anyone, right?" Blair asked. "I'm not pushing you to do anything that you don't feel comfortable doing."

"I'll be all right." Jim said firmly. "Part of life. You have to take the bad with the great."

Blair kissed Jim as he said, "The bad with the great? I thought it was the good with the bad?"

"Blair, you can't be in the good category." Jim said simply. "Everything about you is great."

"Oh man," Blair said, "I've fallen in love with a romantic."

"Complaining?" Jim asked jokingly.

"Do I look insane?" Blair asked laughing. 

"I love you, Blair." Jim said as he yawned. Jim pulled Blair into his arms and Blair went willingly. "I love you, Jim." Blair answered back. 

Both men were sound asleep within minutes. Monday would be a scary day, but one they could both think about the next day. Tonight was for sleeping. 

When the alarm went off, Blair tried to get a few more moments of sleep, but Jim woke him up, saying, "Blair, come on, we don't want you late for your class."

"Geez, you're like having my mom around." Blair said grouchily, "I just wanted fifteen more minutes."

"Well, too bad, get up." Jim snapped, "I'll make breakfast, you can have the first shower. Just don't use all the hot water."

Jim went down the stairs; Blair could tell he had his feelings hurt. Blair felt bad about that. He'd make it up to Jim somehow. He needed to explain to Jim, he wasn't a morning person at all. Not even a little bit. God, Blair hated mornings but, at least, he got the first shower. 

When he got downstairs Jim was cooking eggs, toast and starting the coffee. Blair went over to Jim and pulled him into his arms. "I'm sorry, Jim." Blair pleaded, "I'm 'so' not a morning person. I'll try to do better."

Jim leaned over and kissed the top of Blair's hair. "It’s okay Blair." Jim said smiling, "It's going to take us a while to get used to this."

Blair pulled away and went into the bathroom and started the shower. Blair yelled out the door, "Want to join me, Jim?"

"No, Blair." Jim said softly, "I'd never make it to class and neither would you."

"Have it your way," Blair said as he got into the shower. Jim watched with hungry eyes as he saw his naked love through the shower curtain. _Okay, Ellison, he told himself, you're going to set the alarm for one hour earlier, at least, from now on._

Jim went back to cooking breakfast and finished it all before Blair even came out of the bathroom. He put everything on the table and waited for Blair. 

Blair came out and said, "Do you do this all the time?" 

"No, not all the time." Jim said smiling, "Tomorrow is your turn."

Blair started laughing as he ate his breakfast and drank his coffee. Jim cleaned off his dish and said, "I'm going to jump in the shower now."

Jim got into the shower and looked down with disgust at the hard on he had gotten while watching Blair eat his breakfast. Jim started talking to himself again. What the hell kind of guy gets a hard on watching his lover eat breakfast? As he reached down to fist his cock, he heard the bathroom door open. Blair said, "I can take care of that for you, Jim."

Blair pulled Jim out of the shower since Blair was dressed and didn't want to get wet. He went behind Jim and put his arms around him as he took Jim's cock into his hands. He started stroking him off hard and fast. Jim moaned and said, "Harder, Blair, harder." Blair did as instructed and Jim came fast and hard. Jim leaned his head back on Blair's head and said, "Blair, we need to set the alarm for earlier. I can't walk around like this all day, every day."

Blair smiled and slid away from Jim and shoved him back into the shower. "Hurry up, man." Blair said, laughing, "We're going to be late and I'll tell everyone why."

Jim hurried as fast as he could in the shower. He didn't think that Blair would tell anyone that but why chance it? He dried off and ran upstairs naked, getting dressed in record time. 

"Okay, I'm ready." Jim said as he headed for the door. "Ready? Are we going to share a ride, or separate?"

"Separate." Blair answered. "You have too many places to go today. I don't."

Jim leaned over and kissed Blair long and hard and said, "I'll see you tonight then. I love you."

"I have one thing to say to you." Blair said, "Wear a fucking robe when you come out of the shower. Now I've got to walk around with a hard on all day long and I love you too."

Jim laughed as he left the loft. He smiled all the way to his class. Jim wondered if love felt like this for a long time, or just at first. He also wanted to know why he had never felt this good with Carolyn. He must not have loved her enough. God, he was such an asshole. The smile was leaving Jim's face. In fact, that smile had been replaced with a look of sadness that would take over Jim's face most of the day. 

Once Jim's class was over, he was reminded of how good a teacher Blair was again. This new teacher was okay, but no Blair. He didn't make it that interesting. He wrote down his assignment and figured he would ask Blair to work on it with him. That way he'd have him as a teacher for a while. 

When he got to Dr. Saccony's office, he sat and waited until she opened the door and called his name. Getting up, Jim walked into the office and didn't look at all happy. This worried Dr. Saccony, since Jim had left here on Friday pretty happy. She felt like they were getting somewhere. 

"Jim, would you like to tell me what's going on?" Dr. Saccony asked, "You look like you've lost your best friend."

"Doc, do you think that I should have loved my wife enough to make her and myself happy?" Jim asked without taking a breath. "I find myself so happy with Blair, and yet, I didn't do that with Carolyn and she deserved it. Don't you think?"

"Jim, settle down." Dr. Saccony said, "Is that what's wrong with you today? You're worried about your relationship with your ex-wife?"

"Well, yeah, I mean, she deserved to be loved." Jim said sadly. "I didn't love her enough."

"Jim, you have to think about this logically." Dr. Saccony stated, "First of all, it was not your job to make her happy. You make each other happy together. Maybe you were happy at first."

"I did love Carolyn," Jim said, "but not enough, it would seem."

"All right, that's enough and you can't keep doing this, Jim." Dr. Saccony said, "If you want to be with Blair and be happy, that's fine, but if you're having second thoughts, don't blame it on Carolyn or yourself. Say you don't want it."

Jumping up from the chair, Jim walked to the window and said, "I don't want to get out of it."

Jim looked at the sky and again wondered if it would rain and make things look better. 

"Jim, could you come back and sit down?" Dr. Saccony said. "We need to talk and we can't do it with you zoning out while looking out the window."

"Now, do you want to tell me what started this?" Dr. Saccony asked. 

Jim sat back down in the chair and said, "I had a great weekend with Blair. He's fabulous. Everything I could hope for in a person."

"But?" Dr. Saccony inquired.

"But I had him move into my bedroom and I might have moved too fast." Jim said as quickly as he could, "I'm happy, but I'm in a state of panic, and I don't know why."

"Do you love Blair?" she asked.

Jim stared at her and said, "Of course I love him."

"Do you like making love with and to a man?" she asked this time, 

Jim answered blushing, "Oh yeah. It was great."

"All right, Jim, so far so good." Dr. Saccony said, "Did you have anything to discuss with me today that would make you tense up?"

"I wanted to talk to you about telling Simon about me and Blair." Jim said not looking at her. "I also wanted to discuss changing my classes to Psychology. Blair and I discussed it and figured it would be good for my line of work."

"How do you feel about telling Simon, Jim?" she asked.

"I'm nervous. I don't know how to bring it up," Jim answered, "I mean, how does one tell his boss and friend that he's suddenly decided to sleep with a guy?"

"Jim, we might have the problem here." Dr. Saccony said, "Maybe you're not ready to tell him yet. He might not be ready. Maybe you know this. Has he ever told you anything that would make you think that?"

"Once he said something." Jim said in almost a whisper. "We were on a stakeout watching two men. Simon said it made him sick."

Dr. Saccony looked over at Jim and saw his hands shaking. She knew now, that he was frightened of quite a few things. 

"When was this, Jim? Do you remember?" she asked, trying to get him to look at her. "Do you think he would still feel this way?"

"When I started at Major Crimes, he told me to lose the earring, I looked like a fag." Jim said. "I don't know how he'd feel about it now. I never had reason to think about it."

"Well, let's think about it." Dr. Saccony said, "What's the worst thing that could happen?"

"Well, he can't fire me for that," Jim said flatly, "but he could stop being my friend."

"Which bothers you the most, that he can't fire you, or him not being your friend?" she asked. "Do you think you can deal with your job if Simon didn't want to be your friend any longer?"

"Simon is a very good friend and I respect him." Jim said, "I would lose his respect, I think. This scares me."

Dr. Saccony looked over at Jim and saw his head hanging low. She could tell this was upsetting him terribly. 

"Jim, what if you're wrong? She asked, "What if he would still be one of your best friends and your boss? What if he didn't care?"

Jim looked up at her, smiled and said, "That would be great."

"Why don't we focus on how we think he might act." She suggested, "You could tell him with every intention of him standing behind you. That way, you'd feel better about it."

"But what if..." Jim started. 

Dr. Saccony said, "No what if's."

Dr. Saccony decided she needed to give Jim a little lecture. She said, "I think that you and Simon have been good enough friends for some time to take anything you say pretty well. When you talk about him, you smile, you grin, and you have a love for him in your heart and eyes. I'm not worried. I wish you'd trust yourself the same way I trust you."

"I do love Simon, he's a dear friend." Jim said proudly, "And I'll talk to him today. I'll keep good thoughts about it instead of bad."

"Good enough, Jim," Dr. Saccony said. "Now, what about changing your classes? How do you feel about that?"

"Well, I think that I might like it." Jim answered, "I checked with the teacher that Blair suggested and she's great. I sat in one of her classes for about ten minutes today before I came here."

"Jim this has to be you decision, I can't help you make it." She said. "But remember, I'll stand behind anything you decide on. If I felt you were making a mistake, I feel like I could tell you about it."

"Okay, that's settled. I'll talk to Simon today," Jim said, smiling for the first time in three hours. "Then I'll go to the University and change classes."

"Now, I'm going to go ahead and release you for partial work," Dr. Saccony said, "That means you'll be able to do almost everything, except you'll still have to come for a scheduled appointment once a week. At first, I thought it would be a month, but I think we should keep it for three months."

Jim shook his head as if he was totally disgusted with himself. "Jim," she said, "Look at me."

Jim looked up and she saw the fear in those eyes and felt so bad for this man. Why was he so afraid of everything? She planned on finding out. 

"Jim, you're doing great. In fact, better than great," the doctor stated, "I feel like we might have some more work to do. We still have to cover you and your family. Coming out to a family is no easy matter. Then there are your friends, you'll need me for that too."

Jim smiled at her and said, "Okay, you talked me into it. I like talking to you."

"So, I'll see you next week." She said, "But the first time you start canceling appointments and not coming in, I call Captain Banks."

"You've got a deal." Jim said as he got up, "Thanks a lot, doc."

As Jim walked out of her office, he felt like a weight had been lifted from of his shoulders. Now he just had to go and talk to Simon. That was the most important. 

>>

Jim drove to the station knowing this could go one of two ways but he was all right with that. He knew he had to talk to Simon and that was that. 

Once he got there, he parked and made his way upstairs to Major Crimes. Everyone smiled when he walked in to the bullpen, making Jim feel somewhat better. He went to Simon's door and knocked on it lightly, almost losing his courage. 

"Come in, Jim." Simon called. 

"Sir, if you're busy, I can come back later tonight." Jim said quickly, "I needed to talk to you but it can wait."

"No, we can talk now, Jim. I have no plans." Simon said giving Jim a puzzled look, "There's nothing going on. So talk."

Jim started pacing, trying to think of how he was going to start this and finally Simon said, "Jim, sit down, please."

Jim sat down and stared at Simon for a few minutes and finally said, "Simon, I have something to tell you that might shock you."

Jim got up again and started pacing but this time Simon allowed him to just move and think. He figured maybe this would help it come out easier. 

"Simon, I've asked someone to move in with me, into my life." Jim said, "I'm in love and I wanted to tell you about it."

Simon still didn't say anything, just sat there calmly waiting for Jim to tell him the rest. He knew he couldn't talk now, or Jim would never finish it. 

"Anyhow, it's a man, Simon. I'm in love with a man." Jim said and almost fell down; his breathing became so hard. 

Simon rushed to his side and asked, "Jim, what is up with your breathing? Is this some type of anxiety attack or something?"

"I'm scared, Simon, that's all." Jim said as calmly as he could. 

"You're scared of what I would think or say?" Simon asked. "Jim how long have you known me?"  
Jim didn't answer, he just sat looking at the floor. Simon yelled, "Ellison, how long have we known each other?"

"A long time, sir." Jim said, still looking at the floor. 

Simon went over and ducked down sitting, on his heels and took Jim's face in his hands and said, "Jim, I knew you were in love with Sandburg as soon as I saw the two of you together. Did I treat you badly? Did I give you the impression that I wouldn't be your friend any longer?"

Jim finally looked up into Simon's eyes and saw the pain there. Jim had tears in his eyes, "Simon, I was afraid that you wouldn't want to be friends with me anymore." Jim said fearfully, "I knew I could still work here, but I wanted you as a friend."

"Shit, Jim, I can't believe you thought that little of me." Simon said as he stood up and walked over to his desk. 

"Simon, I'm sorry." Jim said, "I was panicking about the whole thing and it just got out of hand."

"Jim, you're still not looking at me here." Simon hollered, "You ashamed of Sandburg or something?"

"No sir," Jim said staring right into Simon's eyes this time. 

"Good, that's better." Simon said, smiling. 

They discussed all of this moving in the bedroom business and then turned to work. Simon told Jim about what was new in the bullpen. Then Jim reached in and grabbed the envelope and handed it to Simon. 

"This is the restricted work release from Dr. Saccony." Jim said. 

"Sounds good to me," As Simon read it, he said, "so your classes are going to be at night?"

"Yeah, mostly." Jim said, "I'm going to see what the teacher has to offer." 

"Want to start back tomorrow morning?" Simon asked smiling. 

"Yes sir." Jim answered. "I'll be in first thing in the morning."

"And what about Sandburg?" Simon asked, "When will we be seeing him?"

"Whenever he doesn't have any classes." Jim stated as he started for the door. "I have to go and set my classes up, Simon. I'll see you in the morning."

"Good luck, Jim." Simon said as he patted Jim on the back. They were both smiling as Jim walked to the elevator. 

As Jim got on, he realized he didn't have that many obstacles to overcome before he was done. His dad and Steven were going to be next. He'd need Blair's ideas for that one, though. Then once that was done, he'd have his best friends over from Major Crimes and tell them. Scary, but he was finding it easier. 

Once in the truck, he went to the university and set up the new classes at night. Three times a week, and it would take him awhile, but that was okay. Jim had lots of time. He left there and went down to Blair's office to talk to him before he went home. Blair's door was open, and inside he could see Blair's back, but he also saw a woman kissing Blair and holding on to him for dear life. Jim just stopped and didn't realize he made any noise, but he must have, because Blair turned around and saw Jim standing there with pain and despair in his eyes. Jim took off for the quickest way out of the building. He could hear Blair telling the girl he had to talk to someone. Then he heard, "Jim, slow down, wait up." Jim didn't even realize that he was running. 

Jim made it all the way to the truck before Blair caught up to him. "Jim, what the fuck are you doing? Blair asked incredulously, "I wanted to tell you what happened there. You going to believe that I would fuck you over before you even hear me out?"

When Jim turned around, Blair then knew why he was running from him. Jim was crying. He had tears running down his face and was trying to push them aside as he said, "What are you going to say? It was all her fault?"

"No, I wasn't." Blair said, "She doesn't know about you, I haven't had a chance to tell her about you. She still thought we were a couple."

Still crying very softly, Jim said, "And you were just going to dump her, is that it?"

Blair pulled Jim closer to him and said, "I never promised her a thing, Jim. We were never a couple; she just liked to think we were. I love you."

"Jesus, Blair," Jim said once he got control, "I'm falling apart here. I've never cried so much in my life. I'm turning into a wuss."

"You are not, Jim." Blair said angrily, "This is a hard time for you, you have a lot of things to cover and it's all there at the surface. Things will be better next week."

"God, I hope so," Jim said, trying to make a joke, "Or they'll be calling me the wuss puss at work."

Blair pulled Jim's mouth to his and they kissed. Jim tried to pull away. Blair whispered, "No, you're mine and I'm not ashamed of you."

Jim pulled Blair into his arms and held on for dear life. "I don't know what I would do without you."  
Jim said quietly, "I adore you, I need you, I want you and I love you."

"Jesus, you are such a romantic." Blair said laughing, "I love that in a man."

"Can we go home now?" Jim asked almost timidly. 

"Yeah, Jim, we can." Blair answered, "I'll drive my car though because I have classes tonight."

Jim leaned into Blair and kissed him hard and said, "I'll see you at home."

Jim walked away and jumped into his truck with a much lighter step. He was happy again. God, he had to stop making such quick judgments. He had to start trusting Blair. He loved that man so much; he owed him that. 

>>

Jim ran to the grocery store and bought all the fixings for a really nice dinner. He wanted to celebrate with Blair. He even got wine and some good beer. Then he remembered that Blair said he had a class tonight. Oh well, Jim thought, I'll do this tomorrow night. So, he still picked up all the supplies and went to check out. 

When Blair got home he heard Jim putting things away whistling. Jim smiled at him as he looked up at his lover. 

"I ordered dinner." Jim said, "Thai all right?"

"Thai is great." Blair said laughing, and then pointed to the bags and asked, "What's all this?"

"If you don't have classes tomorrow," Jim said, "I'm making you a really nice celebration dinner."

"Hot damn, a romantic and a cook." Blair said, "Where have you been all my life?"

There was a knock at the door. Jim grabbed his wallet and paid the deliveryman. He then brought the food into the kitchen. 

He and Blair grabbed the dishes, silverware and napkins. "Want water or juice?" Jim asked.

"How about a beer, I saw those." Blair said smiling. 

"I figured you have to drive tonight, but I guess one won't hurt." Jim said, but Blair could tell he was nervous. 

"Jim, are you going to worry about me nonstop from now on?" Blair asked, "Because it's a little annoying, you know?"

Jim looked over at Blair to see if he was joking or not. He realized Blair wasn't. "Sorry, Blair." Jim said, "I'll try not to be so overbearing."

As Jim walked off, Blair kicked himself for being so shitty to Jim. What was he doing? He loved Jim; Jim loved him, so what was the problem?

"Sorry, man, I think it's going to take awhile to get used to each other." Blair said trying to make light of it. "We just have to learn each others habits."

"It'll get easier, Blair," Jim said patiently, "it just takes time."

They sat down and had a beer together and Jim asked Blair, "I'd like to have my family over next weekend. What do you think?"

"Oh yeah, that'd be great." Blair answered him very pleased. "I'll make up a kick ass dinner too."

"So Blair, do you plan on telling your Mom?" Jim asked. 

"If I hear from her soon." Blair answered truthfully. "Jim, sometimes I don't see or hear from her in months."

The phone rang and when Jim picked it up, he said, "Ellison."

"Mr. Ellison? This is Naomi Sandburg." Naomi purred, "Someone gave me this number and said that Blair is living with you now, is this true?"

"Yes, Ms. Sandburg, he lives here now." Jim said quickly, "I'll get him for you so you can talk before he has to leave for his class."

"Well, do you mind telling me where you live?" Naomi asked, "I'm in town and thought I would surprise him."

"Ms. Sandburg, he's teaching a class and won't be home until 10:00." Jim said, trying to make her understand. 

"No problem, I can come and meet you." she said to Jim. "I want to meet his roommate. Do you think I can sleep on your couch?"

"Sure, that's fine." Jim said and gave Naomi their address. "I'll see you in about an hour then. Goodbye."

Blair glared at Jim and said, "What do you mean, you'll see her in an hour? Why would she come while I wasn't even here?"

Blair started pacing and Jim wondered what that was about. Blair looked at him and said, "Jim, don't let her get too close to you. She'll make a play for you, I'm telling you."

Jim started laughing and said, "I think I can handle your mom, Blair." Jim laughed all the way into the bathroom. 

Blair hated leaving because he knew his mom well enough that she'd make a pass at Jim. Blair went into Jim's arms and said, "Wait up for me, will you?"

"Blair, I would wait forever for you, you know that." Jim said smiling. "I love you. Now be careful and hurry home."

Blair smiled until he left the loft. He knew that his mother was up to no good. She must have heard that he lived with a cop and would try to push them apart. Well, damn it, it wasn't going to work this time, Blair thought. 

As soon as Blair left, Naomi drove up in a cab with her suitcase in hand. She walked up the stairs and knocked on 307. Jim opened the door and said, "Can I help you?"

She smiled as she said, "I'm Naomi, Blair's mom."

You could have knocked Jim over with a feather. He was shocked; he didn't think she would look like that at all. He stepped aside and said, "Come in please. I'm Jim Ellison."

"Detective Jim Ellison?" Naomi asked coyly, "One of Cascade's finest?"

Jim knew she was insulting him but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why. Did she already know about he and Blair and didn't like the idea? Jim went into the kitchen and started some coffee. Seeing him doing this, Naomi said, "Could you make mine tea?"

"Sure," Jim answered as he put the teakettle on. Jim was really sad and wasn't even quite sure why?

She said, "Where can I put my case?"

Jim led the way into the office-spare room. She didn't know it was a spare room. She thought it was Blair's room. "Blair needs more sun and light than this." Naomi said, "Why would he want to live in a cramped room like this?"

Jim was getting pissed off, and said, "Did you want to sleep on this futon? If so I'll make it up for you right now."

"That would be most kind, Jim." Naomi said with a false smile. "I can't wait to talk to Blair about all of this."

At ten o'clock, Jim told her goodnight and went up to bed. He was so depressed, he just felt like the walls were caving in on him. Jim felt like she might have a say in how Blair would end up feeling about all this. This scared Jim to death. 

He stripped his clothes off and got into bed. He no sooner started falling asleep when Naomi was standing next to his bed. Thank goodness he had the covers on, because he was sleeping in the nude. 

"What's wrong?" Jim asked sitting up. "I just was lonely down there, and thought I might come and lay down with you." Naomi replied,

"No, that's not a good idea." Jim said, "I'm in love with someone and I don't want to be lying in bed with anyone else."

"Your loss, Jim." she said as she shrugged her shoulders, "Sleep well. Goodnight."

Goodnight, Naomi." Jim said and rolled over. 

About 11:00 Blair came home. He talked with his mom for about an hour and finally she said she was going to bed. "Blair, I'll help you make up a bed on one of the sofa's." Naomi said, "You get washed up while I do that."

"Naomi, I have something to tell you." Blair said, "I sleep upstairs with Jim."

"What in the hell are you talking about, Blair?" Naomi questioned, "With Jim, as in Jim's bed, with Jim? You're not gay, honey."

"I'm bi, Mom and I'm in love with Jim." Blair said adamantly, "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going up to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Blair, sweetie," Naomi said, "I think we need to talk about this some more."

"No, we don't, Mom." Blair answered her back. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

Turning, he walked up the stairs. When he got there, he was shaking. Jim had the covers pulled back, waiting for Blair. Blair got undressed, and decided he'd sleep in the nude too. Jim pulled Blair up close to him and said, "I love you so much, babe."

Blair snuggled in as close as he could with Jim and started falling asleep. Jim let him doze off. Figuring this would be the best thing as upset as he was. Finally his heart rate slowed down and Jim could tell he was sleeping. Jim followed soon after. 

Jim awoke to something licking him all over his chest. He opened his eyes and saw Blair kissing and licking all over his body. Jim said, "Blair, your mom is here." 

"I know that Jim," Blair said, "I don't know about you, but I don't care."

And he went down and took Jim's cock into his mouth. Jim let out a yelp and then started moaning. Blair was making this fast and furious. Jim loved it like that. Hot damn, but he could make Jim come faster than anyone on the face of the earth. Just like that, Jim came, silently. Once he started regaining his composure, he bent down to Blair's beautiful cock and took it in his mouth. Now unlike Jim, Blair was very verbal and noisy. At one point, Jim reached up and put his hand over Blair's mouth but Blair still made a lot of noise as he came down Jim's throat.  
They started kissing and Jim said, "Blair, why?"

"Why what?" Blair asked.

"Why did you want to do that with your mom in the house? And why all the noise. That was more noise than you usually make with just us."

"I want her to know that you make me feel good." Blair said, angrily. "I just don't like that people think we shouldn't be together. 

Grabbing his robe, he got out of bed and stomped down the stairs. His mother was standing there smiling and said, "Blair that was beautiful. You really are in love then?"

Blair just looked at her and said, "What did you think, Mom? I was just in it for a quick fuck?"

"Blair, what's wrong?" Naomi asked with a pained look on her face, "You would never say something like that to me usually. What is it?"

"I'm in love mom and I'm just sick of explaining to everyone." Blair said, "I want to be with him forever and plan on it."

"Then you will be." She said. "I'm happy that you're happy, Blair."

"Thanks, Mom." Blair said. "Do you like him?"

"Yes, I do." Naomi answered, "I put some of my best moves on him last night. He sent me off telling me he was in love with someone."

"Mom, I can't believe you did that to him." Blair said, very embarrassed. "Why do you do that?"

"Blair, he's a very sexy looking man." Naomi said smiling, "I realize that I'm your Mom, but I'm not dead."

They both laughed as they started making breakfast. Blair jumped into the shower so he could get ready for work. When he went upstairs, Jim was lying there looking at the ceiling and Blair realized that Jim had zoned. He brought him out of it pretty quickly and Jim pulled him down on his chest for a kiss. 

"Jim, we have to get ready for work and classes." Blair said pulling away, "Lets get up, okay?"

"I heard you when you told her you loved me." Jim said, "And I have to tell you, it did something to me."

Blair felt Jim's cock and said, "I see what it did to you."

Jim got angry and said, "That's not what I mean. You do that to me, not your words,"

"So what do my words do for you?" Blair inquired, "I'm dying to hear this."

"Your words give me hope." Jim said very seriously, “they give me a reason to love myself, because if you do, then I might be able to, also."

Blair sat there looking at him. He smiled and said, "Jim, you are the most romantic person I've ever met."

"Blair, I love you." Jim whispered. 

"If you really love me, you'll let me get up so I'm not late for class." Blair said seriously. 

Jim got up and went down to the shower. Naomi was standing there and hugged him and said, "Jim, you had better treat him well."

"I love him, Naomi." He said solemnly, "Why wouldn't I take good care of him?"

"Good, glad to hear it." Naomi returned, "because if he ever calls and says something bad, don't think I won't kick your ass." 

Jim started laughing as he went into the bathroom and started the shower. He liked Naomi. She was a good mom. A little strange, but she truly loved Blair so they had that in common. Jim would try to become very good friends with her.

Blair ate breakfast fairly fast because he had to get to class. As Jim came out of the bathroom, he asked, "Jim, what time am I supposed to be at the station?"

"What time do your classes end?" Jim questioned, "Because I could use you down there as soon as possible. But I can wait until it's convenient for you."

"My last class is at 10:00." Blair answered Jim, smiling, "So I'll be there by noon at the latest. How is that?"

"That's great, Blair." Jim said, "See you at noon then." Jim leaned down to kiss Blair goodbye. They kissed and held on to each other for a short time and then Blair walked out of the loft. Naomi was sitting at the table smiling. She couldn't get over how open her son had turned out to be. She had questioned him for many years. He seemed to be only be receptive to females. Although, now it looked like he'd be with a man. She didn't know which was worse. Suddenly, she realized that Blair wouldn't be able to take trips with her like he used to. Things would change and she wasn't certain she liked that at all. 

>>

When Jim got to the station, he saw Simon motioning for him to come into his office. Heading that way, Jim passed the donut cart and picked out two, one for himself and one for Simon. Knowing that Simon had some kind of new coffee brewing all the time, he figured he'd go ahead and taste Simon's new blend today. 

He knocked on Simon's door. Simon said, "Come on in, Jim."

"You wanted to see me sir?" Jim asked almost afraid to see what the answer was. "Did something come through on those two cops that Sandburg pressed charges against?"

"That's exactly why I wanted to talk to you, Jim." Simon said, "I don't want you going off half cocked. You have to promise that you'll listen and stay calm."

"God damn it, Simon." Jim shouted, "Please don't tell me they got off."

"IA and the DA decided that it would be in Sandburg's and our best interest to drop most of the charges." Simon said quickly, "they'll be on probation, be terminated from the force and will have to do community service but that's it, Jim. I'm sorry."

"I don't fucking believe this." Jim said sitting down, "how the hell did they manage this?"

"Both men wrote up apologies for Sandburg and for you." Simon said handing said papers to Jim. 

"Like I give a rat's ass about some apology." Jim said angrily, "I just can't believe this shit. Now I have to tell Sandburg that they'll get off and I was the one that forced him to press charges."

"Jim, they didn't exactly get off." Simon said carefully, "No one is going to hurt Sandburg."

"Begging your pardon, Sir," Jim said coldly, "They already did that and nothing was done about it."

"I don't know if this will help, but Blair gets to choose the community service for both men." Simon said smiling. "I figure he can come up with something really good."

"Yeah, I'm sure that'll make him feel better." Jim said sarcastically as he got up and started for the door. 

"Jim, there was nothing I could do." Simon said, "I tried, they did it without asking me, either."

"Simon, would it have made a difference to you if we weren't a couple?" Jim asked, "I mean would you have fought harder if that was the case?"

"Fuck you, Ellison." Simon yelled, "Get out of my office, right now." Simon grabbed the door, opened it and stood there waiting for Jim to leave. 

"I'm sorry, Simon." Jim said as he walked out. 

Simon grabbed Jim's arm and said, "Get back in here."

Jim stepped back into the room and said, "What?"

"It makes no difference at all." Simon said, "They didn't ask me how I felt about anything, they didn't give a shit about what I thought."

"Sir, I'm really sorry for what I just said to you." Jim almost whispered, "I've been a little on edge lately."

"Let's let Sandburg give us his opinion," Simon said sadly, "before we assume the worst."

"You're right. I guess we should see what Blair has to say about it." Jim said quietly.

Jim went over to his desk and sat down and started doing his paperwork. He couldn't wait for Blair to get there. He really needed to talk to him about all this. Before long he found his desk almost clear of paperwork and only ten minutes until Blair would be there. Smiling, Jim stood up to go get some coffee. 

Rafe walked up to him and said, "Ellison, I just wanted you to know that I thought those guys got off way too light." 

"Thanks," Jim replied, "at least everyone knows about them now."

Slowly Jim smiled and turned towards the elevators as he heard his friend, his life, his love. Getting off of the elevator, he was surrounded by people talking to him. Blair was well liked no matter where he went. This made Jim smile all the more. Rafe watched Jim and realized that something was happening here. 

Blair came over and Jim said, "Blair, we need to go and talk to Simon." 

"Is it something bad?" Blair asked, almost afraid of the answer. 

"No, we just need to discuss something with you." Jim said pushing Blair towards Simon's office. 

"Okay, I'm going." Blair said, laughing, "Geez, you're a pushy guy, aren't you?"

As they went into Simon's office, Rafe went over to Brown and Taggart and asked them to meet him in the break room. 

>>

The three men got to the break room and Rafe said, "What do you think the chances are of Jim Ellison being gay?"

"Ellison?" Brown asked, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"No, not Ellison," Taggart added, "He's not like a poster child of for gay America."

"Well, now I don't know for sure," Rafe started, "but I saw how he was looking at Sandburg. He has a major thing for him."

"I don't believe it." Brown said.

"Well, it makes no difference to me." Taggart replied, "Does it to either of you?"

"Hell no," Rafe said, "I'm just wondering how we never noticed that before."

"The kid is kind of cute." Brown added. 

"So we won't be bringing this up at the next poker game?" Taggart asked, "I'd never want to embarrass Jim. He's a very good friend."

"Of course not." Brown said, "But damn, would I love to tease him."

"Shit," Rafe said, "we miss out on all the fun stuff."

"I say we sit back until he comes to us." Taggart said.

"Better get back out there." Brown said, "We don't wanna to draw attention to ourselves."

The three detectives walked back into the bullpen just as Jim and Blair were walking out of Simon's office. Blair didn't look real happy. In fact, he looked pretty pissed off. Jim sat down at his desk and Blair continued to pace in front of Jim's desk. Jim glared at Brown, Taggart and Rafe for watching Blair. They all quickly went back to what they were doing and tried not to notice that Blair was upset. 

"Blair," Jim said very quietly, "Calm down and sit down here. Everyone is going to be asking you what's up if you don't."

"What's the matter, Jim?" Blair said. "Afraid I'll embarrass the hell out of you or something?"

Blair walked down the hallway and went into the restroom. Jesus, Blair thought, I seem to spend a lot of time in this damn restroom. Shit, and not literally.

Blair heard the door of the restroom open and he knew without looking that it would be Jim. He turned around and found Taggart standing there. 

"Sandburg," Joel said, "is something wrong that I could help with?"

"No, thanks anyhow." Blair said hanging his head. "It's nothing."

"Well, it must be something because Ellison just went in to see the Captain again." Joel replied, "He seemed pretty angry about something."

"Shit," Blair said quickly as he headed for the door. "I don't want Jim doing something stupid."

They both walked out and could see Simon and Jim arguing through the glass. Blair walked up to the door and knocked and went in. Both men stopped their yelling the moment they saw Blair. 

"Sandburg," Simon said, "I swear, I would do everything I could to change things if it were possible. Do you believe that?"

"Yes sir." Blair answered almost in a whisper.

"Blair, are you all right?" Jim asked with worry written on his face. "I didn't mean to leave you alone, but I felt like I should do something."

"Guys," Blair said, "don't worry about it. Things will work out just fine. At least I don't have to see those fuckers when I'm here at the station."

Having said this, Blair turned around and left Simon's office. Both men just stared at each other and didn't say a word as Jim left Simon's office after Blair. 

Jim looked around and noticed that everyone was watching them and for a change, he didn't seem to care. He walked up to Blair and said, "I have to talk to you." and then walked off to the stairwell. 

Blair followed and as soon as he was through the doorway and the door shut, Jim took Blair into his arms and hugged him fiercely. Blair pulled away from Jim and shouted, "What the fuck are you doing, Jim?"

With a look of surprise on his face, Jim answered, "I thought I was giving you some much needed comfort."

"Not at the station," Blair said angrily, "you can't be hugging me in front of everyone. They don't even know about us yet."

"So, let's tell them." Jim blurted out. "I'm not ashamed of you, Blair. Never will be. And we aren't exactly doing this in front of anyone."

"How about this weekend," Blair asked, "at the weekly poker game? Offer to have it at the loft."

"I guess we could have my family over the following weekend." Jim said almost relieved. 

"Jim," Blair asked, "Are you more afraid of telling your family than the guys you work with?"

"Damn straight." Jim said smiling, "Pardon the pun."

"Okay, let's have the game at our place." Blair said, finally. 

 

"Deal." Jim said smiling as he followed Blair into the bullpen. Jim knew that he'd have to talk to Blair later about how he felt about those guys and their punishment. 

"Oh wait a minute," Blair asked, "what if Naomi is still there?"

"Blair, we'll worry about that later." Jim said trying not to sound worried.

"Man, I have got lots of shopping to do before Saturday." Blair said bouncing around with happiness. 

Blair and Jim went back to the desk to finish up paperwork. Knowing the sooner they did, the sooner they could go home and jump each other's bones.

Naomi was making up a nice dinner for the boys when the phone rang. Picking it up, she said, "Ellison and Sandburg residence, can I help you?"

The gentleman on the phone was stunned on hearing this and asked, "Who is Sandburg?"

"Who might you be?" Naomi asked, "I don't give out that type of information to just anyone."

"I'm William Ellison. Jim Ellison is my son." William said trying to be calm, "now could you tell me what's going on?"

"Well, William, I'm Naomi Sandburg," she said, "in answer to your question, your son is going to make an honest man out of my son."

"What the hell does that mean?" William asked, more confused than before. 

"William, do I have to draw you a picture?" Naomi asked. "They're together, as in lovers."

"Wha,wha, what?" William was able to blurt out before hanging up the phone. Picking it back up, he dialed Steven's phone number. When Steven answered, "Ellison." William said, "Did you know that Jim was sleeping with some guy named Sandburg?"

"Dad?" Steven asked, "Are you all right? Did something happen? Why in the world would you be asking that? Jimmy isn't gay."

"Well, it would appear that both of us are wrong." William said, "I just spoke with the man's mother."

"Jesus Christ." Steven said, "Jim never did do anything the easy way, did he Dad?"

"That's all you have to say about it?" William asked, getting angrier by the minute.

"Dad," Steven said, "he's a big boy. He'll do what he wants to anyhow. And I, for one, don't want to lose touch with him. We just got together again. Do you want to lose one of your son's just because he's gay?"

"Of course not." William said, realizing that Steven was right. "I need to talk to him right away."

"Dad, please don't make a big deal out of this." Steven said, "It'll push Jimmy away."

"I promise." William said truthfully. "Do you want to go over there tonight?"

"Sure, Dad." Steven said, "What time do you want me to meet you there or do you want me to pick you up?"

As Jim and Blair finished up their work, they were making plans for the evening. They walked to the elevator together and got on. The ride down was really quiet, both wanting to get out of there so they could at least kiss. 

Once in the truck, Jim left the parking garage and started driving home. Blair reached across Jim's lap and stroked Jim's cock once to let him know he was in the truck. Jim didn't need to be reminded. 

"Blair, do you mind?" Jim asked, "I'm trying to drive here. Knock it off."

"Jim, could we stop at a motel really fast?" Blair asked batting his eyes. 

"Shit," Jim said as he pulled into a motel on the road and went inside and got a key. They got inside the room and started stripping as soon as the door closed. They began kissing until neither of them could really get their breath. 

"Blair, it's pretty bad when we have our own place and we have to stop off at a motel for a quickie." Jim said while tearing off his clothes as fast as he could. "Get moving, Blair, I want you stripped now."

Blair didn't lose any time getting those clothes off. He was warm for Jim's form. They got onto the bed and went into each other's arms. Jim couldn't believe how great Blair felt. God, he had missed holding him all day long. Blair was kissing and licking Jim all over and Jim wasn't going to last long at this rate. 

"Blair, slow down," Jim pleaded, "I'd like to last a little while longer. Okay?"

Blair smiled and said, "I want to make you come right now."

Having said this he took Jim's cock into his mouth and sucked very hard, almost chewing on him and Jim came with a yell of Blair's name. Blair stayed there with Jim's cock in his mouth and Jim wondered what he was doing. Then Blair started licking and sucking Jim again, and Jim said, "Blair, as much as I'd like to, I'm done for awhile." 

Blair totally ignored him and continued doing the same thing and Jim found himself getting hard once more. _Holy Shit,_ thought Jim. _Blair is going to be the death of me._

Once he was hard again, Blair moved over on top of Jim, aligned their cocks up and started moving against him. Jim was moaning again, making Blair hotter by the second. "I love the sounds you make, big man." Blair whispered into Jim's ear. "Now I want to see your face while you come for me."

"Jesus," Jim shouted out as he came, making a wonderfully satisfied face. Blair was indeed happy with that look, it would be one to treasure for the rest of his life. Just knowing that Jim was that content and fulfilled made Blair come right after him. 

Lying there quietly, Jim saw Blair get up and go to the bathroom for a washcloth. He came and cleaned them both off. Blair lay down next to Jim and pulled him into his arms. Jim started falling asleep and so did Blair. This was the life, was the last thing that Blair thought of before closing his eyes. 

An hour later, Jim woke up with Blair plastered on top of him. Jim smiled down at the sleeping form of his partner, friend and lover and started getting hard again. Blair awoke to the feeling of being pricked to death by a hard cock and he wanted to be pricked. 

Smiling, Jim went down and started sucking Blair's cock and Blair turned around so that he could suck Jim's. Oh yeah, Blair wanted 69 bad. They both started getting into it, no talking because they were busy with their mouths, but they could tell by moans and groans as to how they were doing. Jim pulled Blair out of his mouth and said, "Hang on, love, I'm getting something for us."

He ran into the bathroom and got the lotion and put some on his finger and passed it to Blair. "Let's get this going, but I want you to fuck me, before we get too far gone."

"All right," Blair said, taking the lotion. Putting some on his finger, they both continued sucking cock, and sliding a finger in each other's hole. Blair knew that he could make Jim come way too fast, so he went out of his way to do that. Jim stopped sucking on Blair and growled, "Blair, god-damn-it. Stop, or I'm going to come right now."

And Blair, being Blair, kept doing what he was doing and Jim howled into the night. He came so hard his head hurt. As soon as he got his breathing under control, Blair got between Jim's legs, spread them and admired his property. Blair kept putting fingers into Jim's hole getting him ready and once he seemed loose, Blair moved up to the hole and started to push in. Jim's breath caught for a moment and Blair stopped. "No, it's all right, Blair, still just hurts a little bit." So Blair slowed down and took it very easy. Before long, he was all the way in and smiling. Jim looked up at him and said, "You should see the look on your face. You're beautiful to watch."

Well, that sweet talking Ellison was enough to push Blair too far, so he pounded Jim three times and came with a shout. "God, I love you, Jim."

"I love you, Blair."

They lay in each other's arms wanting to stay this way forever, but both knowing they had to go back to the loft. Getting up they went into the bathroom and took a quick shower. Once they were dressed they left there little haven and went back to Naomi. 

There was a knock at the loft and Naomi answered it. A very nice looking older gentleman and a much younger one stood before her. "May I help you?"

"We're William and Steven Ellison." William said, "We've come to talk to Jimmy and this man, Sandburg."

"His name is Blair." Naomi said as sweet as she could. 

"Fine, Blair, then." William said, "Do you know when they'll be here?"

"I'm waiting on them myself." Naomi said, "I made up a really nice stew, could you both stay for dinner? I have tons of it made."

"That would be great," Steven answered, "I'm starving. Come on Dad, sit down and relax."

As they sat down at the table, Naomi fixed them each a plate of food and they all sat down and ate dinner together. No one really spoke; they all were trying to wait patiently. Finally Naomi said, "Why don't you call Jim on his cell phone?"

"We'll just wait," Steven said, "we'd rather talk to him in person anyhow."

"Jim seems like a really nice young man, William," Naomi said trying to open the conversation.

"He is nice, but he's not gay." William said defiantly. 

As William and Naomi started arguing about being gay or not and who's fault it was, Jim and Blair drove up and parked. Jim looked over to the other side of the parking lot and said, "Oh god, my dad is here."

"Shit." Blair said, "Let's get up there fast before Naomi says anything."

When they got into the elevator Jim opened up his hearing and could hear them fighting about the two of them. "It’s too late, Blair."

"I'm going to kill her, I mean it." Blair growled. 

As they got off the elevator, Jim put his key in the door and opened it up and everyone got quiet suddenly. They all just stared at one another. Not saying one word now that Jim and Blair were in the room. 

Blair said, "Mom, come with me." Blair started out the door and Naomi followed him, grabbing her purse on the way. 

Jim shut the door and said, "Hi Dad, Hi Steven. It’s nice to see you."

"Cut the shit, Jimmy," Steven said, "What the fuck is going on here? You're not gay."

"Why do I have to explain anything to you?" Jim said, "This is my loft, my life and my lover."

"Jimmy," William said quickly, "talk to me here. You've never been with a man before, are we right about that?"

"Dad, you aren't going to blame, Blair." Jim said as he walked into the kitchen for a bottle of water. 

"We aren't blaming anyone, son." William said, "But there has to be a reason that you suddenly started sleeping with a man after all of these years. I think you should see someone about it."

"Well, Dad, I see a shrink and she knows about Blair." Jim said walking up the stairs. 

"Jimmy, where do you think you're going?" his father asked. 

"You know the way out, I'm tired, I'm going to bed." Jim said sadly. "Goodnight."

Steven and William let themselves out but were waiting out front for when Blair got back. He was without Naomi, they had been fighting at the coffee shop and Naomi left in a taxi cab. Blair was sick of his mother meddling in his affairs. She didn't like him talking to her that way, but Blair didn't care. He was so upset for poor Jim. He saw that hurt look on his face when he was leaving. 

Now looking at William Ellison, Blair wanted to spit at him. He was so angry. He stood in front of William and said, "Okay, let me get this all out before I lose my nerve. First of all, I've never been with a man before, this is new for me too. I love your son and he loves me. We're a perfect match. Why should it be any different just because we're men? Please don't tell me that you told him that. He was made to feel as though you thought he wasn't good enough while young, I beg you; don't do that to him now. He needs your love, understanding and support. He might seem tough, but he's not. In fact, he's very fragile. Come back upstairs and talk to him."

As Blair stood and talked to William and Steven, Jim called Dr. Saccony. He felt like he was slipping back to the first day. He left a message with her answering service and waited for her to call back. 

When the phone rang, he picked it right up, answering, "Ellison."

"Jim, its Dr. Saccony. What's wrong?" 

"Jesus, I just feel like I'm falling apart here." Jim said, his voice shaking. "My dad and brother found out accidentally about Blair and I and they didn't take it well. I thought I didn't care, but I do."

"Of course you do," Dr. Saccony said, "call them back over and talk things out. Put your cards on the table, Jim. Tell them exactly how you feel. If they won't accept you, that's their loss."

"Blair is downstairs talking them into coming back up." Jim said, "I just heard them. They're coming back up. Shit, I don't know how to do this."

"Jim, calm down and get yourself under control." Dr. Saccony said, "You're this big control freak, well, now would be a good time to have some. You are in control. You're the one in love with Blair. If they don't like it, tough. You are the most important person outside of Blair."

"Doc, they're coming in, so I'll go talk to them now. Sorry for bothering you." Jim said quietly. 

"You aren't bothering me, Jim. Let me know if I can help again." As Jim hung up the phone, he took some deep breaths and went walking down the stairs. William and Steven looked at him with a lot of questions in their eyes. Jim knew this was going to be a very long night. 

Blair walked over to Jim and kissed Jim's cheek as he started to walk into the kitchen. "No… stay." Jim said, pulling Blair close to him and hanging on for dear life. 

"Okay, I'm here for you, Jim." 

"Dad and Steven, why don't you sit down and we can get some of the questions answered and done with?" Jim said walking over to the sofa. "Ask as many questions as you want. You're entitled to know about us, I guess, but if you don't like it, that's not going to change a thing."

As Jim and Blair sat down, Jim brushed Blair's hair behind one of his ears and kissed Blair's cheek. 

William and Steven just sat there with their mouths open. They never would have thought Jim would do this. Not in a million years. But Jim did seem to fit with this Blair person, they both could see that. 

"Jim, I want you to be happy." William said, "If you're happy, than that's all that matters. It'll take us some time, but we'll get used to it."

"Yeah, I agree, Jim." Steven said, "I can see you two love each other, plus Blair told us a lot while we were downstairs. We'll always love you, Jimmy."

Thanks, I needed to hear that." Jim said smiling at his father and brother. "Would you like to come to dinner next weekend?"

"Yeah, I'm a great cook, Mr. Ellison." Blair added, "Please come, it'll be good for all of us."

"Sure, we'll be here, won't we Steven?" William asked Steven. 

"Sure, we'll both come," Steven answered. When William and Steven got up, Jim walked them to the door and he said, "You can ask me things, Dad. Really, you can." 

William hugged his son and said, "No, we'll talk next weekend. You take care of yourself and your friend, Jimmy."

"Thanks Dad." Jim said as they walked out the door. He turned and went right into Blair's arms. "I don't know about you, Jim, but I want to go to sleep. And sleep, not anything else."

Jim laughed as they went upstairs. All of a sudden he stopped and said, "Where is your Mom?"

"Told her to go to a hotel tonight, I was pissed." Blair said angrily, "She had no right to do that Jim. She's always doing stuff like this."

"We'll take her to breakfast tomorrow, okay?" Jim asked. 

"You are entirely too nice, man." Blair said laughing. 

Taking their clothes off, Jim looked over at Blair and smiled and Blair said, "Don't even think about it. I'm exhausted, Jim. I really do have a headache."

They both climbed under the covers and Jim started massaging Blair's scalp until he was sound asleep. Jim leaned over and kissed him on the temple and was filled with such love that it made tears come to his eyes. God, Jim thought, I love this man more than anyone I've ever loved in my life. What a nice thought to fall asleep with. 

The next morning Jim woke up to breakfast being cooked. He got up and went down the stairs naked but stopped just in time when he realized there were two heartbeats in the kitchen. He went up the stairs, grabbed clothes and got dressed as fast as he could. 

Once downstairs he could see Naomi felt bad about everything and was trying to make things better by making breakfast. Jim bent over and kissed her cheek and said, "Good morning, Naomi. Thanks for breakfast."

She smiled and started setting the table. Blair said, "Mom, this is going way too easily. Jim was really hurt by all this; I don't ever want you getting into his business again."

"I promise, Jim, I won't ever do that again." Naomi said.

"Let's eat, this looks great," Jim said trying to calm the moods of the other two. 

After breakfast, they said their goodbye's to Naomi. She was leaving for awhile anyhow. On the way to the station, Blair started taking notes of some community services that he could suggest for the two idiots. Jim looked over and laughed out loud at some of his suggestions. 

"What, you don't think they'd make them come over and clean our loft?" Blair asked smiling. 

"Nope, don't think so, Blair." Jim said laughing. 

When they got to the bullpen, Jim made the plans for the poker night and everyone said they were coming. He said they had some news. 

Rafe, Simon, Brown and Joel were in the break room and Joel said, "Any bets on Jim's news being about he and Blair sleeping together?"

Rafe laughed and said, "Well, I think we need to make it interesting since we all know already. So we have to bet on something else. Like how long it will take him to break down and tell us."

Simon said, "I'd suggest you all keep your voices down. He, or someone else, might hear."

"Shit, Captain, you agree with them, too?" Brown asked. 

"I've got to get to work." Simon said as he walked into the hallway. Jim was standing there with his mouth hanging open. Simon said, "Looks like you don't have to have poker night if you don't want to."

Jim walked into the break room and they all looked down at the floor. Jim said, "Guys, how did you know?"

"Jim, everyone can tell you're in love with him." Joel said. "You're much easier to live with now."

"So you're all okay with us being together?" Jim asked.

"We really like him, and we just want you to be happy." Rafe added. 

"Yeah, and we can tell that the guy makes you way happy." Brown said, laughing. 

All the men left the break room laughing and Jim went over to his desk and leaned down to Blair and said, "Everyone knows."

Blair looked up at Simon, Brown, Rafe and Joel and realized that they were all right with it. He smiled at them all and went back to filing for Jim. Jim had to fight the urge to hug him right there but he was afraid that Blair would kick his ass all the way home. 

Jim left early and went for his appointment with Dr. Saccony. He was whistling when he went into her office and she opened the door and said, "Come on in, Jim."

Jim walked in and sat down and had a huge smile on his face. "Doc, things are working out. You were right, I had to be in control and I did it."

"Jim, I'm sure that some of it had to do with Blair's help, am I right?"

Laughing, Jim said, "Oh yeah. He's so good at handling my family, its unreal."

"This is just my opinion, Jim, but I think we could cut your sessions to once a month. Are you all right with that?"

"I'm doing fine, ya think?" Jim said smiling again. 

"Jim, I think you're doing more than fine. You're doing great. I'm really pleased with your progress. We'll set up once a month, unless something comes up, then you can call for an extra appointment."

"That would be great, Doc. I really do feel as though I've gotten a lot better."

"Good, now tell me what's new and we'll get this show on the road." She said laughing. 

Jim filled her in on everything that had happened in the last week and told her about the upcoming poker game. Actually, Jim told her about everything that was going on in his life. 

When their hour was up, Jim was almost sad to leave Dr. Saccony's office. She had been such a help to him, he felt like something was changing that he didn't want changed. But he knew that this is the way it had to be. Smiling, he shook her hand and walked out the door. 

Jim got into the truck and proceeded to the University for his classes. He was only going once a week, and at this early time, he still got to see Blair afterwards. His new teacher was wonderful and he was learning more and more about people as a whole. The really odd part was how interesting he found it all. What he really loved was doing his homework with Blair. He loved Blair so much, but he also loved how Blair thought and was so pleased that Blair was sharing that with Jim. Jim felt like for the first time in his life, he wasn't lost in Cascade.

>>

The next day when Blair walked into the bullpen, everyone was quiet. They didn't even want to ask him how his decision was going. He sat at his desk and started making up lists for community services. Then he started making phone calls. He knew that he needed to find a perfect one that was going to teach these guys about life. Make them realize that life is not what they have come to know and live. There were going to be some big changes. After making about twenty phone calls, he finally decided on two different things. Both of his decisions made Blair smile for a short time, until he remembered why he had to choose this in the first place. 

Blair slid a piece of paper into the printer and started typing up his proposal for the judge. The hearing was in two hours and he had to be ready for that. It depended on how Blair wrote up the proposal. It was important that it was done properly. Once it was typed up, printed and copied, Blair put a copy in Jim's inbox for him to see when he got to the bullpen. Blair picked up his papers and left for the courthouse. Even though he was a nervous wreck, it didn't matter. Blair knew that he had to do this. It was one of the most important things he would ever do. He could not let those two ex-cops get the upper hand. Blair needed to show them that he could take care of himself and didn't need Jim fighting his battles. 

Arriving at the station about one hour after Blair left, Jim was a nervous wreck. He had wanted to be with Blair today. Jim could think of little else. But his job called for him to be elsewhere and he knew he'd do no good throwing a fit every time the judge said something Jim didn't like hearing. Jesus, Jim hated being useless and helpless. 

Two hours later, Blair came waltzing into the bullpen with a big smile on his face. Everyone had been nervous about the whole thing and seeing Sandburg smile was a step in the right direction. They all gathered around and waited patiently to hear what Blair has to say. 

"Okay, no interrupting." Blair said smiling and almost laughing. "The judge not only liked my proposal for the two ex-cops, he loved it. The first thing that happened is they are on two years probation and have to report to a kick ass probation officer each week. Next, they each have to do 500 hours of community service. It will be set up weekly by the probation officer, but he agreed with the two places that I advised the judge to think about. First they'll have a weekend job with the Youth Outreach group for underprivileged and delinquent kids. The second place is Cascade Nursing Care. Where they will have to give up two evenings a week to read to coma victims of violent attacks. The Judge thought they would be good programs to teach these men some tolerance and acceptance."

"Way to go, Hairboy." Brown said, "Congratulations." 

Everyone took their turns telling Blair how proud they were of him. Finally Jim asked Blair if he could see him alone for a moment. While heading to the interrogation room, the entire bullpen was following Jim and Blair with their eyes. They were all smiling. Blair and Jim walked into the interrogation room. Jim shut the blinds and took Blair into his arms kissing him. He was hoping that with that kiss, Blair would know how much he loved him and how proud he made him daily. 

Pushing Jim away from him, Blair said, "All right tough guy, that's enough. Back to work." 

As they reentered the bullpen, everyone smiled when they saw them. It was nice having friends. But it was even nicer having friend that are tolerant of your life choices. Jim and Blair both felt blessed. 

Brown walked up to Blair and said, "Can we bring anything for poker night, on Saturday?" 

"Nope, just bring yourselves and we'll do the rest." Blair was smiling so much that it made everyone else smile with him. Major Crime was indeed lucky when they got Blair Sandburg. 

Rhonda buzzed Jim to tell him that his Dad was on the phone, picking it up he said, "Ellison."

"Jimmy, I was wondering if it'd be all right if instead of us coming next week, you and Blair come on Sunday night for dinner. I have to go out of town next weekend. Sally said she'd help me fix everything."

"Dad, I think that Blair wanted to cook for you."

Blair gave him a look asking him what was going on. Jim said to his dad, "Hang on a minute, dad."

"Blair, dad wants to know if he and Sally can make dinner for us on Sunday evening instead of next week. He has to go out of town next weekend."

"That would be great, Jim. Tell him he's on. Next time it'll be my turn to cook. Now, I'm going to see what Simon wants us to do today."

As Blair walked away Jim smiled and ogled his sweet ass. 

"Dad, Blair said that would be perfect. Said to tell you that next time was his turn to cook. So, what time on Sunday?"

"Jimmy, that'll be great. How does 6:00 sound? Tell Blair that he's on for the next time, I'd like to try some of his food that he talked about."

"Will do, Dad. See you and Sally on Sunday evening."

As Jim hung the phone up, he smiled knowing that things were indeed working out well. His father was handling it so much better than he expected him to. 

The rest of the week flew by for the two men. Both were excited about their poker night. On Saturday night, Blair and Jim had the loft all set for their friends. Blair had made tons of food and bought a lot of different kinds of beer. Blair was also going to lock up all their car keys so that no one would be able to drive after drinking all night long. Friends didn't let friends drive drunk. As everyone started showing up, Blair took all of their car keys and they were teasing him, but they all knew that only good friends would do that. 

As the evening progressed, Jim was kicking ass big time. He was winning almost all hands. Blair was busy watching his love and wondering why everyone didn't leave early. Jim suddenly felt Blair's eyes on him and turned to him and kissed him on the lips. Simon shouted, "Get a room guys." 

Everyone started laughing and the night continued to go well. 

Rafe asked Blair, "So how is Jim in the sack?" Jim taking a drink out of his beer proceeded to spit the beer all over the table, the cards and everyone in his path. Blair opened up his mouth to say something but Jim put his hand over it and said, "None of your business, Rafe."

"Should have known that you wouldn't want Blair to tell us." Rafe added, " He's probably as grouchy in bed as he is out of it." 

Blair couldn't take it anymore and jumped up and said, "He is not a grouch. He's the best lover I've ever had."

"Blair, they're just teasing you, don't fall for it, okay?" Simon said quietly into Blair's ear. 

"It just so happens, he is the best damn fucker I've ever seen or been with ever." Blair boasted proudly. "Not to mention what a gorgeous cock he has." 

Simon threw his cards up in the air as this was said and Jim turned beet red. The guys were eating this up. And Jim didn't really want anymore said. 

Rafe stood up and said, "Hot damn, Jim, you've got a live one here."

Jim just laid his head down on the table and tried to pray for something to strike him dead at that very moment. Jim also realized one thing, he was never letting Blair drink while they have poker games at their house again. Jim knew he wasn't ever going to live this one down. Every time he'd shower at the precinct, they'd make little remarks about his cock now. 

As the night went into the morning, the cabs were called and goodbyes were said by all. They all knew that Jim was still embarrassed, but knew he would get over it. 

Once Jim locked the entire house up, he went upstairs to see if he could talk to Blair about how badly he embarrassed him tonight. When he got to the top of the stairs, Blair was naked and waiting for him. Jim figured he could talk to him about it tomorrow. He went to Blair and had his wicked way with him. Knowing that Blair thought he had the most beautiful cock around, made Jim smile. Maybe things would be all right. As he made sweet love to Blair, he realized, things were fine. If the guys couldn't take the way Blair was when drunk, too bad. After the lovemaking, Jim pulled Blair into his arms and they fell asleep quickly. 

Both men slept in the next morning, but Jim was finally waked by Blair cleaning Jim up from the night before. As he washed Jim's skin clean, Jim was getting harder and harder. Blair wanted to show Jim just how much he loved him and wanted to do it right. 

"Jim, I'm sorry for what I said at the poker game last night. You must have wanted to kill me."

"Blair, I might have at first, but then I realized that you were happy with me so why should I care what you say and to whom? Right?"

"Right you are, Jim." Having said this, Blair took Jim's cock into his mouth and gave Jim the best damn blowjob he'd ever had. Jim's last thought was, _this man is going to be the death of me._

When they got up an hour later, they showered and got dressed nicely for dinner at Jim's dad's house. 

>>

The ride across town was silent, and both men were thinking. Lost in thought Jim almost drove right by his dad's house. Blair almost laughed at that, but figured he better not make Jim nervous. Blair knew Jim already was. 

Walking up to the house, Jim leaned towards Blair's ear and said, "How do you feel about turkey?  
That's what we're having."

"Sounds great, Jim. I'm starving. Are you hungry?"

"Blair, I'm too damn nervous to eat. I just know that my dad's going to drop a bombshell on us any moment."

"Do you know if Steven is coming, Jim?"

"Yeah, he's here, babe." Once at the door, he turned to Blair and said, "Ready?"

Blair rang the doorbell and smiled when William and Steven opened the door up and invited them in. William hugged Jim and held him longer than he usually would have. Jim wondered about that, but didn't complain. He really liked his dad's arms around him. _Could I get any sappier? I think not._

Sally came into the entryway and hugged Jim and then took Blair into her arms and welcomed him into the Ellison family. Blair was feeling like the luckiest person on the face of the earth. 

They all sat down to dinner about an hour later and they discussed many things, but Blair finally said, "William, you seem to want to ask some things, so by all means, ask."

"Thank you, Blair. I really do have some questions. Now Jimmy, if you don't want to answer that is fine too."

"Dad, you can ask me anything. I can't promise you'll like it. But I'll always try to be truthful."

"I have a question," Steven said quickly. "Why did you all of a sudden decide that you like men, Jimmy? I don't think it's a bad thing, but I find it odd that you suddenly change the way you think, look and feel."

"Well, it's hard to put into words, but I'm in love. I don't think that it matters who it is with, man or woman. When you fall hard, you just fall. He makes me happy. I feel good whenever I'm around him. I miss him when he's not with me. I'm totally in love. Does this help either of you at all?"

"Jimmy, this answers a lot of questions that Steven and I had talked about before you got here. We want you to know that you are always welcome here and will always be accepted as you are."

Jim got a strange look on his face and said, "Dad, what do you mean by that? Do you think that I should be grateful to have you accept this?"

Blair decided it was time for him to step into this. Family or not, he could see Jim getting angry and really didn't want them fighting. "Jim, I think your dad and Steven are trying to make the best out of this. We have to give them time."

"Jimmy," William said, "that came out wrong, and I want you to know that this is new to us too. You have to realize this isn't easy for any of us."

"Yeah, Dad, I do." Jim answered. "I'm sorry that I bit your head off. Blair always keeps me calmed down."

Dinner was finished with more questions except that this time, Jim tried not to get so defensive about them. This was his problem; he must be reading too much into it. Once they finished dessert and cleared the table, Blair went in and helped Sally do the dishes while Jim, Steven and William sat in the living room with their coffee and talked. 

Blair could feel Sally's eyes on him while he was loading the dishwasher. He decided to stay quiet and just let Sally open up to him when the time came. 

"Blair, do you promise to take good care of our Jimmy? And love him like no other has?"

"Yes, Sally, I do. I adore him. I swear sometimes I'm afraid it'll go to his head, that I'm so wild about him."

Sally gave a quick hug to Blair and said, "Good, that's all I wanted to know. I'm happy for both of you."

Once they were finished, they went into the living room and joined the others. The evening flew by with good company and good conversation. Blair enjoyed them a great deal. Jim was still pretty quiet. I'm going to talk to Jim when we get in the truck and see why he seems upset.

They all said goodbye to each other and planned a dinner for one month from then. Blair seemed really excited about that and Jim wondered why he wasn't. Something was on his mind. Now if I could only figure out what, I'd have it made.

Once inside the truck, Blair turned to Jim and said, "All right, what's up?"

"Blair don't you find it odd that they just accept this? I mean, I don't think they want to hate either of us. But I also don't think they are behind us as much as they'd like us to believe."

"Jim, I think you're over thinking this whole thing. I think that your family is dealing with it as well if not better than my Mom did. Loosen up, tough guy and relax."

"Okay, I'll try, babe. I really will."

Blair undid his seatbelt and moved right next to Jim and put that seatbelt on and started rubbing his hand against Jim's zipper. Jim was squirming and finally said, "I'm trying to drive here, Blair." But he had a big smile on his face and Jim loved when Blair sat next to him like this. _God, we're such saps. I've never been so in love before._

When they got home, they showed each other exactly how much they meant to each other. And Jim was once again reminded of how old he felt sometimes. But what a way to go. 

Monday morning, they got up and got ready for the day. Jim had to go to the station, then he had a meeting with Simon about putting him on full duty and signing papers, then he had a class that night. He leaned into Blair and moved his hair off of his neck and kissed him softly, making Blair shiver. "Man, you keep this up and we're both going to be late for all of our appointments today." 

Laughing they both went to the parking lot and got into their separate vehicle's. Jim dialed Blair's cell number and Blair picked up saying, "Sandburg."

"Blair, I just remembered I forgot to tell you how much I love you. I used to be so lost everywhere I went, but not any longer. Thank you."

"Blair pulled his car over and parked it. Jim pulled up behind him and got out to see what was wrong. Blair was leaned over the steering wheel. "Blair, what's wrong, babe?"

Blair turned up his tear stained face and said, "You are the most fucking romantic person I've ever met in my life. I thank god every day for you."

Jim opened his door and pulled Blair into his arms. They stayed that way for quite some time. Finally pulling away from him, he kissed him and said, "See you later on today, Blair. I love you."

"I love you back, Jim. Have a great day."

As they drove in different directions, Blair smiled and thought to himself, he wasn't the only one that once felt lost. I'm no longer Lost in Cascade, either. 

The end.


End file.
